In the Meantime.

It's Friday. I had a Wordless ready on Wednesday, a 13 on Thursday but the laptop is defeating me, so I am using my other channels for getting info up for the short term. Thanks friend! (-;

And the relationship continues to grow. This restructuring thing is working quite nicely I have to say. It's a little disconcerting on some levels as we continue to get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. I find that every day I don't see him makes me pine away and I can barely stand it until we are together again. I KNOW!!! WHO KNEW??

I sometimes analyze this and wonder if maybe it's just a "first one" kind of thing. You know, the first one after the breakup - the rebound thing. But then I think, it can't be. The feelings are way too strong. But so quickly? And we really like each other; and can such strong feelings happen so quickly? I talk about it with the VNN and we both think that this "thing" means something. Then I have to step away, take a very deep breath, and say a day at a time. Just a day at a time. It's different this time. I am communicating differently,and handling myself differently. Also, he's not the XSU. In a big way not the XSU. So it has to be different.

In the meantime, I sneak around RJ the way I used to sneak around my mother. Because really, I can't have sleep overs with a teen in the house. And VNN gets that part very well. We pine. But we are "mature" and deal with these things.

RJ is pretty much busy in her last year of high school anyway and has no time for me most days. But when she does have time, I do have to stick around.
Rebel, is pretty busy diving again and coaching. She's totally in her element. I think her love for her sport is what will do in her relationship with the loser boyfriend. I can only hope.

So... I continue to restructure and things continue to move. I feel things are moving in the right direction. How lucky is that!? In the meantime, I am reading the "how to get your divorce done" books and filing in paperwork. Time to get that done too!

Restructuring and Rebuilding. A Review.

I am off work this week. And it's gonna be HOT and HUMID all week long. I have a bunch of errands to run this week - dog to the vet, passport renewal, RJ wants to see an exhibit at the Art Gallery, moving some stuff around, more picture hanging - drilling holes in walls, etc. It's going to be a good week.

We went to the beach yesterday. It was a perfect day. Not a cloud in the sky and a little cooler than the city.

I started to read the second Larson book - not sure I am going to read it - I really don't like that violent suspense filled tension and creepy stuff. Much prefer a good murder police procedural.

Did I mention I made strawberry jam last weekend? I haven't made jam in years because we were always going to camp when strawberries were at their peak. I was downtown in the Market last weekend and there were some really luscious Quebec berries so I bought a large flat and made about 12 quarts of jam. Already gave away two. It's sweet but oh so yummy. We've been eating strawberry shortcake all week too.



I got through the wedding anniversary date. I completely forgot until two days later. I guess that's progress. I also didn't remember the day XSU left. I still get angry about that day, but it's tempered quite a bit now. I do tell the story whenever I can, particularly to people who know the XSU, petty I suspect but it's therapy.

CBC Radio has been playing an excellent excellent documentary series about divorce. Five hours all together in thirty minute shows. And this is public readio folks - no commercials. It discussed everything from initial break up, adultery, feelings and emotions, the immigrant experience ( oy!) children of divorce, and more. It was very informative. They can't put it into a podcast because of the music they used (not good thinking, but that's a quibble) The series is called ASUNDER. I highly recommend listening. ( for some reason again Blogger isn't highlighting the word ASUNDER the link is embedded - go for it) There are a variety of experiences, kids and adult children talk about their parents break up, the tumultuous variety of emotions, and some serious bad behavior was worth it. There will be something in this series for anyone who has gone through this. I was able to relate to some segments quite well, and some moments that made me think, thank goodness my experience wasn't *that* bad! There are some really wacky, nasty people out there. Makes my idea of revenge or vengeance look like amateur hour.

It appears I am restruturing not too badly.

Happily Not Unmarried!

My team and I at work went out for lunch yesterday.  Thai – very yummy – a little too spicy for me, but… oh wait… I am digressing again.

During the meal one of my coop students asked me during the course of a conversation whether or not I’d get remarried.

First of all, I never officially discussed my marriage, separation or other personal woes with the team.  None of their business, I barely missed work, and after all the stuff they dealt with during Rebel’s trials, I didn’t subject them to more of my drama.

Secondly, some of them were in the picture – those who must be well connected with people I do talk to – and good on them, however my full timers knew nothing.  THAT was interesting.

I kept that pretty low key and didn’t delve into any details except to say that indeed my marriage broke down and I was now separated.  My one loyal employee asked about the girls, I responded and left it at that.   Okay, she brushes her hands off and says, done with that bit of news and now let’s move on.

Oh!  The original question.  Remarry?  Honey, I am not even UN-married yet never mind thinking about tying that particular knot again.   And then there is the entire annulment process to get through, so the thought of going down THAT road again is certainly not on my radar.   The question came from a lovely student, one who is a little older than most.  She has to be in her late 30s maybe early 40s.  Never married from what I do know about her, but went through a fairly serious relationship and break up a few years ago.

Apparently she has been seeing someone – someone that I do know is not an entirely trustworthy or appropriate individual.  This I do know for a fact.  She is not facing up to the realities of this person and repercussions of the being with him because she needs to be with someone so badly.  It’s a bad scene all way around.

The point being – I don’t particularly want to be married again, I don’t think  For now anyway. Although having seen the difference on pension splitting and the financial side of marriage in old age, I might be persuaded.

However, I also think a companion a la Jackie Kennedy style would be nice – and not that Greek style either, more than man she was with when she died. They each had their own homes, and spent time together and time apart, took vacations and spent holidays together. I kinda like that idea.

Right now though, I am enjoying myself and my time on my own. I don’t want to be one of those women with that hungry look every time a potential companion hits the room.  Unless of course he’s a lanky 35 yr old healthy specimen – then it’s cougar time and all bets are off.   But until then I’ll remain not unmarried, happily separated cocooning in my little space enjoying the life and blessings I have.

Restructuring: Life after marriage ends.

The end of the marriage has begun. It would seem that I really should move on and the spousalennuie needs to be done. From now on it is restructuring time.

And wow am I restructuring. I am starting with foundations. The basement rec room. I've had it completely gutted and and am rebuilding it from the cement walls - got rid of the nasty panelling and it is being replaced with gyprock. Rebel Junior would like the walls painted a shade of yellow. I can go with that. I want her to be able to spend time here with her friends and be comfortable and if the colour of the room helps make a difference so be it.

My personal restructuring has also begun. I've changed all my " emergency contacts" at work. I have a good friend from church up on first and and she has my two brothers up on her list. I've kept them all in that loop. That was a big one.