Cranky Friday I hate excercise rant!

It's Friday at last! Just read an interesting article in today's newspaper that talked about a study in heart break. yep. heart break. I'll see if I can do the study justice.

It was described as a study that looked at heart rate and the connection between people who you think like you and learning what happens when they don't like you. People were connected to heart monitors. When those being studied learned that a person didn't like them, and they thought that they were liked, well, their hearts slowed down for several seconds.
So what this means is this - If you think that you are loved and you learn that instead, you are not loved at all, then your heart rate changes and it can be dramatic and have a health effect.

My experience has been with my stomach not my heart. When XSU first hit me long ago with the "I'm not feeling it" thing it felt more like a blow to the gut - like the wind was knocked out me rather than my heart pounding. Maybe it was both, but it was the hit to the stomach that I felt. And that feeling lasted for weeks - probably months. I didn't eat much at all. In fact I remember Lily coming over and force feeding me a can of Campbell's chicken noodle soup.

Once I started eating a little I have to admit my clothes looked great on me. I wasn't looking like a chemo victim any longer - I see pictures of myself and wonder if that was looking good, or if I was too thin.

Now, I look longingly at two pairs of jeans, two suits, a dress and a couple of other things that don't fit, because CLEARLY that angst has disappeared. I have thunder thighs! My eating habits are pretty good. We don't eat white anything, no food from boxes, lots of vegetables and fruits, all that blah blah nutrition stuff, but

Imust admit - I hate most forms of exercise.

I have no use for running, biking, skating, swimming, playing any sport that involves any kind of equipment from a ball to a stick including netted sticks. Have I missed anything? oh yeah - the gym. really hate the spandex clad skinny 20 something girls, the muscle bound wanna bes trying to catch the skinny girls, the spinning mad people, and the crazy dance people.

That along with the fact that I am going through that midlife women's change thing, means I must get up off my ass before I go up another trouser size. It's troubling. So perhaps I need to fall in love again, so I can break up again, and not eat for awhile. Or I can do the sensible thing and start finding some sort of activity that will take the jiggle out of the thighs and I can feel comfortable in my size 8s again.

rant done. Happy Friday.

Go to your room!

I don't know WHY I am so pissed off, but I am. I came home today and my lawn was cut. I THOUGHT it was the girl I hired to cut my lawn but indeed it wasn't. It was the Rebel's BF. And right away, Rebel came out and told me to "please go and thank my BF - he cut your lawn. " And I was pissed off.

I told her - I've hired someone to cut my lawn for the season and I don't NEED your BF to be doing me any favours.

This is not the first time he's gone and done something that made me burn. While I was out of town, he took my car and "fixed" something that was wrong with it. So he says. Ford still charged me a cool 1K when I took it in for a service job.

Perhaps I am being irrational. Perhaps not. What seriously ticked me was Rebel who kept saying to me, 'You should thank my BF, you should thank him for doing this for you."

I DIDN'T ask him to cut my lawn. I do NOT want him cutting my lawn, or doing any thing else for me. If he wants to do something I want to be asked in advance. And then I will more than likely say no, because, frankly, it's far too late in this relationship to get into my good graces. I am not interested in his help.

I think my total negative reaction is partly because this young man in personality is a lot like the XSU. That need for recognition - that need to told how wonderful he is. And that underlying attitude that I - as a woman - couldn't possibly manage my little head with things like lawn mowers and cars. It's that attitude of superiority I got from XSU on occasion that sneaks out of the Rebel's BF. I don't like it, and I really don't want to put up with it - from anyone.

THEN I walked into the house and there were 6 bags of groceries on the kitchen floor. Apparently the girls aren't happy with the groceries I buy - so they managed to get their dad to buy stuff. They rarely add items to the running grocery list I keep on the fridge so I get what I get. I left the groceries on the floor and hoped at least one of the two dogs got into the bags. That made me feel a little better.

So I have locked myself in my room. No entrance allowed. My girls do this when they are annoyed, or just generally want to annoy me. I thought I'd try it. They most certainly are not impressed with me. Totally not impressed. And there 's the thing. I haven't had any dinner and I am starving. So isolating myself isn't working very well at the moment. Do I go back down stairs, miss Glee and find some food? Do I get in my car and find some kind of tolerable fast food - if there is such a thing and spend money I'd rather not spend?

Daughter drama. Idiot boy friends trying to get into my good graces in the worst possible way. And - a grumbling stomach. No worries, though the crankiness ends soon.

Sunday Snippets

I have watched this cheesy version of a Christmas Carol called "Ebbie" with Susan Lucci three times yep 3 TIMES in the past few weeks, the latest being this morning.  Makes me tear up every time.  I mean cheesy, cheesy.  Yet the tears flow. 

 The WII Console is sold out all over town.  Luckily, Rebel isn't around at Christmas and so it won't be too bad if I don't get it til afterwards.   I bought Rebel a sweater and a couple of Disney movies ( she loves her Disney- Sleeping Beauty and Snow White are in the platinum edition!) to have as presents while away with her dad. 

Damn you Apple.  No such thing as a 16 ipod Touch any more.  There's an 8 and a 32 - Price difference is from $200 to $300.  I know an 8 isn't enough.  WHEN did that happen?  I STILL think the kid is lucky to be getting this regardless. 32 it will be.  Luckily I have 5 cell phones to give Best Buy.  They recycle them and give you reward points.  I am counting on a few serious points to bring the cost of this one down.  Will see.  XSU forked over a whole whack of money to pay for all this thank goodness.

 It's nearly 3 PM and I am still in PJs moving rather lethargically.   Might be because I didn't get home last night til nearly 2 AM.  I had a lovely time at a friend's annual martini Christmas party.  Had a choco-tini, a Bellini, a traditional (gin not vodka) and some kind of raspberry blue thing.  Don't worry - I paced myself.  One drink an hour plus food and water between drinks.  We danced in the kitchen.  It was a good time. 

RJ told me her dad was going to a party and wouldn't it have been funny if we were going to the same party.  Now there's a thought.  OF course this would be highly unlikely, but for a half a nano second ...

Sunday Snippets

It's Sunday again.  

I haven't been to church in some time.  The church I attend is a good 30 - 40 minutes away.  Since my separation, I have found that I am exhausted, probably mentally and physically.  I spend the week driving to work. (I pass my church on the way.)  Then I've spent Saturday after Saturday running errands, getting groceries, laundry and all that blah blah blah. Sunday morning arrives and I just haven't been able to face getting into my car and driving again.  Poor excuse, I know.  There is no Saturday option and ony one English liturgy.   I want time where I don't "have to" do anything.  Unfortunately, it would appear my spiritual life is dealing with the consequences of this malaise.  

Interestingly, our pastor, a useless man who has no interest in people, hasn't even called to see where I've disappeared.  Speaks volumes about him.   I could go to the local RC church, but I don't find it very satisfying.  No doubt I'll get back to church soon, but  I do have to say I have enjoyed not rushing to get out of my PJS and out of the house, and not being back home til mid afternoon.  For now. 

I've been really cranky this weekend.  Things seem to be out of my control and I am not handling it well. Just as I had thought things were starting to settle down. 

Last night I was supposed to have gone out to a Christmas party at a friend's house.  I didn't go. I don't know what it is lately, but I'm not interested in being in houses full of people.  I also missed my annual association party earlier in the week.  I don't ever miss it.  I didn't want to go.  I am on deck for another party next Saturday and I don't know if I'll be going to that one or not. I said I would but who knows.

Rebel "broke up" with her BF. Let me back up - they both moved back to my place.   Cranky?  hmm let me think about this. 

They came back because the uncle was giving her a hard time about all kinds of things and I think the BF had enough of him.  Less than two days after they arrived, and BF hadn't come home after work til nearly midnight Rebel told him to get lost.  Not sure if this is going to really be officially done or not.  She broke up with him but he's still around.  First step - she says she needs a break.  Apparently he will be living with the uncle and she is staying with me.  She left her dog at the BF's uncle's place where they were living.  The dog will continue to stay with him.  

Rebel's dog has been here this weekend.  Can you see my head ache?

It's too noisy and I end up sequestering my little dog because the puppy is all over him.  Though even that's not quite accurate because my little dog has never been neutered and tries to play alpha - and he is marking in my house.... it's not good.  I've told Rebel, if she is staying with me that's great, but her dog is not welcome.  She's not training him, he barks and it gives me a head ache.   I did tell her she has a choice - my place without the dog, or her dad's with her dog and she could come over any time.    IF XSU is smart he'll take her.  Problem is I don't think she wants to be there. 

Rebel had borrowed my futon couch when she and the BF originally moved out back in the spring.  They brought it back and put it in the garage.  I came home from work on Monday this week and the frame was sitting in the middle of my living room.  Rebel's BF told me he couldn't get it down stairs to the basement  because it was too big and awkward. He said he was getting an allan key from his dad to take it apart to get it down the stairs. That was Monday.  Today is Sunday and the thing is STILL sitting in the middle of my living room.   Cranky  - very cranky!  I finally got beyond irritable and I thought  made myself clear - to get the thing OUT of the living room on Friday    Last I checked this AM, after BF had his smoke, ate my pancakes and showered in my shower, he was watching television and not moving much.

Rebel has decided to go with XSU to visit his family in NS over Christmas which is interesting because she doesn't like the SIL or her female cousin.  The boys - she gets along with quite well.  In one way it's good she is going - it gives her a chance to back away from her life for a bit and relax.  I am not sure it will be a great get away given she doesn't like her aunt or the one cousin.  

For now Rebel Junior is staying home with me but not sure if she'll change her mind or not.  I am hedging not because she doesn't want to be away from her friends that long given she's going to France in 6 weeks. 

I'm not feeling bad about Rebel getting away from BF - at Christmas time even.  I am hoping this is the beginning of the end for this relationship  I am staying out of it, as hard as it is for me the mother, and hope she is able to move on.  This has never been a normal relationship.  It didn't follow a normal kind of progression - meet, get to know, date,  get serious.  If Rebel hadn't been sick I am quite sure this one wouldn't have lasted long at all.   I am zipping up my mouth around Rebel and praying this goes the way everyone who knows her wants it to go.

Now I need to get this crankiness under control and do something a little more in keeping with the advent season.