Moving on .

I've been blogging for a few years now. Sometimes sporadically sometimes daily, but almost regularly. I have finally separated from XSU and starting to live a new life on my own. The original blog helped me get through the painful process of the end of the marriage, along with some bumpy roads dealing with a critically ill child in the midst of the end of marriage mess. Now this blog will see me through the new paths and adventures that life has to offer. Restructuring my life. My way. My experiences, ventings, musings on that whole big and not so big deal.

December 22, 2009

Decking the Halls: Faking it 'Til I Make it.

Christmas is a few days away and I am still not really feeling it. The cards are waiting to be done - I have a few more gifts to buy. I never did send anything out to the fam this year- I am behind worse than ever. And I am thinking I am just going to go with the flow of it. I am thinking of calling it post traumatic divorce/separation disorder.

PTDSD not an excuse I don't think. Just getting through the process kept me going. These past few months have been dealing with the after math of the process and perhaps this could be the reason that the ho ho ho-ing isn't coming quite naturally. My family is split apart with one kid with her dad a 1000 miles away and the other telling me that Christmas is going to be just plain weird. I get that.

However this evening I'll go buy a tree and wrestle it into the trunk of the Taurus somehow. The Rebel's BF is around though he did something to his back and is pretty much useless, but he wants to stay in my good books so he'll figure out a way to help me get the tree stand on and the thing into the house to thaw out.

So the decorations will go up tonight and tomorrow and I'll play the CDs sent to me by my friend in Washington - the three CDs that go buy the title "not your crooner's Christmas and I am sure I'll come around. It is about the feeling and looking forward to way to bond with the RJ if she'll let me.


Anonymous said...

WoW! I wonder where my comment went. How rude is that??

Reading your blog today brought tears to my eyes as I was taken back to a time when my family was split apart during the holidays for the very first time. It was rough. I got through it as best I could.

Now I look forward to Christmas Eve because I know I will be putting the final touches on Christmas and then settling in by the Christmas Tree with a glass of wine to watch a Christmas Movie.

Hang in there, girlfriend. You are in our thoughts and hearts always.

love and hugs,
~ blondie

Rudy said...

I tried many times to comment yesterday and blogger kept screwing up. grr.

I just wanted to say hang in there. I have known more people than not who go through a depression after divorce. It is especially difficult the first lap through the holidays when everything is noticeably different.

Try to focus on creating something new, a tradition of your very own to perpetuate in coming years. Perhaps there is something you always wanted to do that XSU didn't like. Something your family used to do that got put aside in the normal compromise of family building that can be brought back.

And remember that sometimes holidays are just like that, not much interest. I have a tree up, one with built in white lights and I have added a string of purple lights. Other than a fiber optic angel on the top there are no decorations. The pack and I are quite content with this and sit around it in the evenings all the same. Next year maybe we'll decorate more (next year if I am not in CA I will be most disappointed)

Above all remember that the first Christmas was not a festival. It was a very quiet, private event celebrated in the stillness of the night.

hang in there

MarieA said...

thank you both Blondie and Rudy for your thoughtful comments. It's different, and I think I am not so much depressed as I am sad - not hugely sad just sad, and not with out some anger. However I cannot change it, I cannot make it go away and so RJ and I will figure out something this year and decide what we want to do. It will be quiet and small.
And indeed... that first Christmas was a peaceful start to something awesome and bright.
Peace and good wishes to you and all three other blog readers. (-:

Lily on the Road said...

Hey, I left a comment this morning...where is it????