One gets better and one is ended.... again.

This restructuring thing seems to be going very well. I'm learning how to be in a relationship again where everything seems to be normal. yeah normal. A man with a good sense of self who, I hafta tell ya is just wonderful to be with. We spend time together and never seem to tire of being together. Although I still like coming home to my own bed as much as I enjoy the occasional sleep over. It's all good. And it will be a year since our first date at the end of November. On that first date I managed to down four Tanqeray 10 martinis, and I've not accomplished that feat since then. FOUR! Martinis?:!?! WHO does that?


This just in - Rebel has broken up with the Loser Boyfriend. Again. I think it might stick this time. She has been cheating on him with an old friend. She says nothing has happened yet, but I think she's been looking for a reason to dump him. I'm lighting candles at church hoping the break up sticks this time. For good.


Rebel Junior has been busy at university. She seems to be enjoying her classes and working and reading all the time. I would appreciate her picking up after herself and for some reason, nothing sticks on that front. I am frustrated still and don't have a clue what to do with her.


The Beau and I spend a fair bit of time together and have been talking of living together. oy! We're only ten houses apart, but there are some nights when it would be nice to just head to bed together instead of one of us going home . But, his cats, my dog, my daughter at home, his hobby that takes a fair bit of space, plus deciding what to keep from two house one of which had a mom who is gone forever. NOT an easy one. How ever status quo doesn't seem to work for us either. No doubt, things will come together as they are supposed to. Life is short. We're enjoying each other and seem to be smitten.

Summer news blast - restructuring continues

Here we are half into July already. It’s been some great hot weather and I’ve been doing my best to enjoy it. Here we go with a few short items for your reading and perhaps commenting pleasure.

Rebel continues to enjoy her life with the Loser BF. She has had her ups and downs with that man and with her jobs. School is coming along sort of, if she could just figure out what it is she really wants to do. I don’t think she really knows herself yet. But Loser BF doesn’t really help in that regard.

Rebel Junior graduated from high school will be starting university in the Fall. While she wanted to go to Nova Scotia, the money isn’t there. She’ll do just fine at one of the two local universities. And she is becoming excited about starting, so that’s a good thing. She was not a very nice daughter during her graduation and prom activities. I wanted pictures and she tore off without letting me get any. I wasn’t impressed. Both Rebel and I let her know that her behaviour was selfish. Alas, 20 years down the road when she doesn’t have any memories of her grad – will be when she kicks her self and realizes what a brat she was. I expect to be around to hear her say it too!

XSU has left for the summer. He’s done east to the ancestral home. Why I have no idea. Both his parents died this spring – about 6-8 weeks apart I believe. I was able to attend the MIL’s funeral service. XSU turned up in blue jeans. Seriously. Thank goodness he’s not my problem any longer. Given that both parents are gone I am not sure why he needed to spend the entire summer away from home. There really isn’t much reason for him to be there except I guess he doesn’t have any friends here anyway so he may as well leave.

I am on the hook with both girls – Rebel needing a car once in a while as the LBF doesn’t own one – nothing changed there.

RJ works in an industrial part of town in a new shopping complex and I don’t like her taking the bus at night – too isolated, so evenings one of us would pick her up. Seems it’s my job for the summer.

XSU is apparently buying out two of his siblings and taking over the parental home. So it appears he’s spending more money on that house than the one he has here. BOTH need a ton of work, but again, I step away and just roll my eyes at his judgement. The good thing with him being gone is I am the one helping RJ with her university course selection and stuff – much better as XSU would send her off on some weird tangents while mine will only be half weird.

And speaking of weird! I’ve had dreams about XSU – while sleeping over at The Beau’s house. Not really sleeping over as with RJ at home I am not comfortable being out when she is at home. I have been known to wake up at 5:30 AM at my house and walk over to The Beau’s and crawl into bed with him for some….. time together shall see say. Yes I have a key. I fell asleep this past Sunday morning and had a bazillion weird short dreams which starred XSU. Don’t remember much about them except that when I woke up I was a tad freaked out. Hmmmm wonder what this means?

And speaking of The Beau, he’ll be joining me out west this August as I get through a week of union convention business then we move on to meet “the uncles” and a few friends. Should be a good time.

I’ve been missing Ukrainian camp again this year. I really should have just booked the “Shangri-La” cabin that was the cook’s domain and no children allowed party room and invited folks out to join me. Next summer. Most definitely on the plan. Funny how years of spending time in the same way is missed when it doesn’t happen.

There’s talk of living together. Though not yet. Not ready to go there at the moment. Spending time together while me sleeping in my own house, works for me for now.

In the Meantime.

It's Friday. I had a Wordless ready on Wednesday, a 13 on Thursday but the laptop is defeating me, so I am using my other channels for getting info up for the short term. Thanks friend! (-;

And the relationship continues to grow. This restructuring thing is working quite nicely I have to say. It's a little disconcerting on some levels as we continue to get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. I find that every day I don't see him makes me pine away and I can barely stand it until we are together again. I KNOW!!! WHO KNEW??

I sometimes analyze this and wonder if maybe it's just a "first one" kind of thing. You know, the first one after the breakup - the rebound thing. But then I think, it can't be. The feelings are way too strong. But so quickly? And we really like each other; and can such strong feelings happen so quickly? I talk about it with the VNN and we both think that this "thing" means something. Then I have to step away, take a very deep breath, and say a day at a time. Just a day at a time. It's different this time. I am communicating differently,and handling myself differently. Also, he's not the XSU. In a big way not the XSU. So it has to be different.

In the meantime, I sneak around RJ the way I used to sneak around my mother. Because really, I can't have sleep overs with a teen in the house. And VNN gets that part very well. We pine. But we are "mature" and deal with these things.

RJ is pretty much busy in her last year of high school anyway and has no time for me most days. But when she does have time, I do have to stick around.
Rebel, is pretty busy diving again and coaching. She's totally in her element. I think her love for her sport is what will do in her relationship with the loser boyfriend. I can only hope.

So... I continue to restructure and things continue to move. I feel things are moving in the right direction. How lucky is that!? In the meantime, I am reading the "how to get your divorce done" books and filing in paperwork. Time to get that done too!

Quiet and Content

It's been another lovely week. A bit of radio silence, but not as much as I had expected. This is the anniversary of VNN's wife's passing and I pretty much went out of the picture as VNN needed to be on his own and get through the time marker in his own way.

It has been a tough week for him, but we did managed to spend some time together - and have grown closer quite quickly. A surprise to both of us.

I met his closest friends this past Friday and still don't know if I passed muster or not. No reason why I shouldn't I guess but I have no clue how hard they took the wife's passing - it must be kind of odd to watch your friend move on. As it was, we left his friends, and went back to his place for a night cap, and by the time I got home it must have been after 2 AM.

Rebel had asked me for a drive first thing Saturday morning, so up I got on four hours sleep, and managed to get her where she needed to be. Then off I went to a friend's for brunch clear across the other side of the city from me.

I spent the afternoon puttering in the kitchen making a cassoulet. Now that was a project, but it seems to smell pretty delish, so I think this was a hit. I'm having our theatre group - the girls who go to theatre together - for dinner this week before our show, so that will be all done now.

My cousin called me around 7 ish and I chatted with her for about an hour filling her in on the latest on my life. I was so exhausted that after I hung up the phone, I just slid right down on the couch, snuggled under a blanket and fell asleep. I didn't wake up til around 4:30 AM, with kitchen lights on, food not put away in the kitchen after my creativity went awry on cassoulet. I clearly can't keep drinking three whiskys a night and work on four hours sleep.

VNN called today before heading out to his Super Bowl party with the lads to tell me he was all right, and would see me Tuesday. I of course, have a meeting on Monday after school, and am not free, much to the dismay of both of us.

I have to say, I am enjoying this new version of togetherness. We're still not quite "out there openly" but yet, while I was out with VNN on Friday I ran into some friends and didn't quite know how to introduce him. boyfriend? oy please - at my age?! friend? seems a little cold, companion? what? We're both kind of struggling with this one.

A nice quiet weekend, comfort, contentment, and figuring out the new relationship. It's all good.

Leaving the cougar behind

There's something to be said for sharing food Tapas style. My favourite restaurant in my little town is a fabulous tapas bar where the menu and wine list change often. I love the place and have spent many hours there with many friends to the point that the manager knows me and greets me by name.

This past Sunday I had the best time ever with VNN. We went out for a movie and dinner. The King's Speech and tapas. I would have liked to have seen True Grit being the true blue Coen Brothers fan that I am but agreed to the Firth film and was not at all disappointed. Firth has finally left Mr Darcy in the dust.

Then it was tapas time. VNN had a wine flight with his share of the food. Red wine. Not my thing at all. Now interestingly, I could certainly smell the difference in the wines, but they all three tasted like..... red wine. He thought that was pretty funny, and couldn't understand how I couldn't tell the difference. It's a flaw no doubt. Oddly though, my scotch tasting palate is much more well defined, which he appreciates.

The intimacy of sharing plates of food and enjoying glasses of wine just made for a fabulously lovely evening. We shared food, talked, stole a kiss or two, held hands and just *really* enjoyed each other's company. I can totally feel myself starting to fall for this man. He has a presence and a style as well as an ability to just be in the moment with me. I am kind of overwhelmed by all that. And so totally not used to it at all.

And to think I wanted to date someone ten years younger than me. Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with being the "younger" woman instead of the cougar I thought I wanted to be. Nothing at all.

The doing in the dating

Looks like this girl might be back in some game. The big date went very well. It was dinner a lot of talk and a lot of ummmm good old fashioned kissing. Intense it was. And very satisfying. The Very Nice Neighbour, AKA VNN formerly known as the Widower ( yes Blondie name change seemed appropriate) neighbour, and I seem to be hitting it off. Well.

We are now in email mode. I find I like flirting via email a whole lot more than I do in real life. You do lose the sashaying about, and the batting the eyes thing, but it works for me.

Going into French class at 7:45 AM today, one of my work friends asked about my date. I am pretty sure the stupid silly grin on my face gave me away... and she exclaimed " OMG!! did you *DO* him already!?!" I spewed my coffee and had to laugh. Really want to, but not going there just yet.

But to back track, the man googled me! And I have to tell you, it's embarrassing because there are at least ten pages of stuff about me, and my brother doesn't turn up until about page 12! And what surprised me not just that he was impressed, but had some very nice things to say about some of the stuff I have myself involved in.

I can't help but make comparisons to the XSU - I mean really, what else have I got? And the bottom line? There are NO comparisons to be made made. None.

So... I've been walking around with a silly grin on my face and heading out post date night for evening tea and enjoying this lovely surprise in my life.

Best night ever!

I have been wanting to have good friends for dinner since I separated. There is a group of people who have meant a lot to me, who supported me and looked after me as I went through all the Rebel heart ache as well as my own heart ache. And I finally did it. Five couples came over for a traditional Ukrainian Christmas Eve dinner on the night after Ukrainian Christmas - which falls on January 7th. As luck would have it there is a Ukrainian students club at the local university and they put a call out telling people they would come caroling and they were doing it as a fund raiser for orphaned children in Ukraine.

It was beautiful and worked out wonderfully. Right after we finished our vodka Merry Christmas shot, had an appetizer and sparkling wine, and finished the borscht and mushroom perogy course, the carolers showed up. Ten students sang a bunch of traditional carols, and the group loved it. They were so surprised and impressed that these young adults were not just raising money but were living and keeping our heritage alive through song and traditional activities. The rest of the evening was talk talk talk about the carolers. I was so glad I invited them. It didn't hurt that one of the dinner plates was passed around and every couple kicked in $20 for their cause. Unexpected and quite a touching gesture too.

I sat at the head of the table not missing the XSU at all. Those closest to the kitchen with me kicked in and offered help as courses changed, plates removed and wine poured. Most of the dishes were done too. It was the BEST night ever. I so thoroughly enjoyed myself. I really didn't miss not having a partner around at all. I was quite content and so happy to have my own friends around me enjoying the meal and each others' company.

I had thought about inviting the widower neighbour to even things out, but I am not quite ready for that. Yet. I know he'd have been fine and quite comfortable with my group of friends. But I just wanted to enjoy my friends for each other for now.

We are going on a date next week. At least I think it will be a date. Something about dinner. I'm not all that free these days. I'm teaching at the local university one after noon a week, and I am in French class two mornings a week, plus the usual other nonsense I do, so I really do like time at home on my home to just de compress and chill. Regardless, I said yes to a Friday evening, and I expect it will be a date of sorts. Shall see how it goes.

I was shoveling my drive way on Ukrainian Christmas when I got home from work and he stopped his car got out and wished me a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year both - with a kiss. This rather impressed me. I think this man is confident, and has a mission. I'm going to sit back, relax and go with the flow. Dinner date - here I come.

Foo Martonis, no, Four martonis, no four martinis and a date.

I had a lovely weekend. Probably because there was a man involved. And for a change, it wasn't the XSU man but the neighbour down the street man. The very nice widower. As I was walking the dog earlier in the week, Mr W was out admiring his new Ford Fiesta - men and their cars - and we started to chat. He asked me if it was martini time yet and I thought what the hell, Sure it is! And the next thing I knew I had an invitation for drinks on Saturday at 4 ish.

Well, as the day and time grew closer I started to panic somewhat. I mean this was kinda like a date. A real date. First time in over 25 years really. And as I freaked out, and hyperventilated and paced I realized that this was kind of silly. So I fired up the ole interwebs and had a conversation with The Blonde via Facebook IM and managed to clear my head and calm myself down. Thank goodness for a helpful girlfriend at the right time.

I figured okay... 4 ish... not dinner - I'd be home by 7 ish or so. A couple of drinks and I'd be done. So I did the make up, fluffed up the hair, put on the good jeans. Perfume? No perfume. Not this time. And walked myself over the Mr W's house up the street.

And seven hours, four martinis, and a little sushi later, I walked myself home. Had a really good evening. If I recall, that's what first dates are all about. Getting to know the other person, finding common interests and enjoying each others company. His wife's death, my separation, our work, music we like, talk talk talk. A lot of talk. With a lot of gin, and a tad of food (thank goodness for the perogies I ate just before I went over there) I had..... a good time. I believe we might do it again. Mr W kept saying, we should have had dinner, we should have had dinner. But of course by the time we figured that out we were probably both too liquored up to go anywhere. A couple of hugs and a kiss at the door on the way out. I'd do that again.

Only thing was, I got home and had to go straight to bed as the fresh air kicked in and had me buzzing. Getting up Sunday morning, I must have had a gallon of water to deal with the dehydration.

Nothing like a martini or four to keep the weekend right. And a real man.

AS IF! Here's a Sunday Snippet For Ya!

Someone smack me if you even hear a WHISPER that I might just decide to go this route. I can't imagine it happening but apparently it's not as uncommon as some would think. Seriously, just take me aside and have a nice loooooong talk with me and make me re read every blog post from the beginning of time!
Dating your ex again

Dating? Not so much.

I keep getting asked "are you dating yet? Been out with anyone yet? Seeing anyone?" OY! AS IF.

There just aren't enough hours in the day to do what I need to do - when I am not wasting time playing Bejewelled on Face Book that seriously I haven't had time to even think about dating.


I am sure I'd like to... have someone in my life. Dating? Not so much. I mean really - I have thighs that are filled with cellulite, I don't have all my own teeth, I am rather opinionated, like my space, and getting through a date fills me with dread. Complete and utter dread.


The good thing is I don't have time to think about it for now
Perhaps as time goes on and I feel the need for companionship I will get there. But for now? Freakin busy, enjoying my friends, and taking it a day at a time.