Is he really going to leave town?

It looks like Rebel's BF is skipping town. He's decided that the grass might be greener on the other side. Who am I to tell him that it will still need cutting. He's going. I first heard this from Rebel's BFF. She whispered it to me while Rebel was out of the room. This morning, she informed me that he's heading west. Can you see me doing a very happy dance? She's also known for some time and has thought things through.

He has a car in my garage. She is going to sell it and keep the money for herself.
He's got a lot of his belongings in my garage around the car. She is getting rid of all of it and keeping the money. She knows her rights on cohabiting and has informed him that's what his is hers and good luck if he thinks she'll hand over anything she deems is hers. Oh she is baaaaack with a vengeance. This lad of 31 years (seriously! 31!) doesn't stand a chance around her dance. It's a pleasure to watch.

If I read her right, and I am not sure I do, I sense relief in her. I think she couldn't find a way to extricate herself out of this relationship and now, he is doing it for her. Oh happy day!

Now, she is going to drive out west with him. It will be interesting to see if she stops in Winnipeg to visit the fam with him. I wonder what she'll do? I am not going to suggest or push anything that might make her think twice about coming home. As it is HIS father is buying her an airplane ticket to come home. She wants to go to school here next year so she's not planning on leaving any time soon. Will see how this whole trip goes. The lad has no clue about geography and doesn't realize it takes practically three days to get out of Ontario let alone make it all the way to cowboy country!

I will be quietly elated.

Slowleeee slowleee... we used to say. Not in this context but it works nonetheless.

RebelJunior comes home on Wednesday. She has her summer all planned out. J-O-B doesn't seem to be a part of her plans. I am not going to get into an email conversation with her on this front, but will advise her that this single mother cannot afford to pay her university without some contributions, nor will I afford her clothing style. She is on her own, unless her father chooses to pick up her expensive tab, and lately, he's been whining at Rebel about not having any cash on hand. WhatEV... not my problem.

I owed tax money this year. First time ever. Damn separation. On the positive side of this - better $200 extra dollars than a spousal unit who is disengaged and costing me more than a few dollars, eh?

Perogies by Skype and a mouth full of instruments

The Telethon raised over 5.6 million dollars! It always amazes me the way people manage to come through for this hospital. Rebel chatted with two guys - one on his second heart and another who's one year in. They talked drugs, issues, and had a great time. They are both older than her, but she and they had a grand time.

On Monday Rebel's picture was in the paper along with an article about the telethon. They always go for the pretty young ones over the middle aged man for the photo op don't they? Unless the middle aged guy delivers a cheque for over 500K!

Rebel's BF has finally moved out. It didn't go well. She's rather stressed about it all. But she does realize he lies, cheats, and generally sneaks around. He has issues. The latest of which is that his license is suspended. I never did figure out for what. So... they are taking a break maybe. At least he's not around. He doesn't pay his phone bill so it won't be easy for him to talk to her either. One day at a time. She's already making plans without him.

Looks like I might be able to help Rebel get a job. I am on a board of directors at one of gymnastics centres - a high performance gym. ( long story on how I got wrangled into this one!) They always need coaches for the little kids and Rebel is really good with kids. Her diving experience make her a shoe in to be able to teach kinder gym, tumble jumpers and all these cutie pie things, so she is up for that. She's also looking to coach diving again. And she's almost ready herself to hit the boards and see what she can do. I say go for it!

Rebel Junior asked me for a perogy recipe for her French mom. I don't use a recipe and figured it would take forever to write one up. I found a really cute how to recipe on you tube! 10 minute little production and she will be a perogy queen... maybe. What kills me about this is that RJ never helped me while I made perogies ever. I guess she might be able to direct this little operation but I told her maybe we could make them together using Skype. The six hour time change could be a challenge but this could be fun! I hope we do try that. It could be a first.

I had an appointment for the dentist today and the receptionist called me up and said "XSU is going to be here at the same time as your appointment. Are you sure you want to be here?" I half thought about going in. We'd be in separate rooms and all that but I didn't want to hear his voice or any of his opinions. The man can talk through anything even with a mouth full of dental instruments. Just being at the dentist's is pain enough so I changed my appointment. The teeth cleaning can wait another week.

Biting the hand that feeds me.

XSU keeps sending me emails in response to emails I send him - usually concerning Rebel Junior who is off in France.
The responses to emails I send are his idea of funny bon mots, quips that I just don't find funny, In marriage days, I would have responded with a little LOL, or perhaps a BWa ha ha... but these days, I just want to send back an email with a I roll my eyes. However that would still be a reaction. And XSU is expecting a reaction.

So I do not respond to his little jokes. He's really not that funny. I forward emails to him because for whatever reason, RJ doesn't email him directly.

While I was away for the weekend, XSU sent over a food care package for Rebel. Sweet. She made dinner tonight and I was the benefit of XSU's cooking spree. So on the one hand I dis his humour while on the other hand I eat his meals. There was plenty available, and better, Rebel didn't like the vegetable salad thingy he made, which I don't think he did make. Not his style. But then again - who cares.

Same with the chili. I am pretty sure it's Farm Boy vegetarian chili to which he threw in some ground beef. But Rebel says no. WhatEV.

I get to eat his food and not laugh at his lame jokes any longer. This separation thing seems to be working for me.

Decking the Halls: Faking it 'Til I Make it.

Christmas is a few days away and I am still not really feeling it. The cards are waiting to be done - I have a few more gifts to buy. I never did send anything out to the fam this year- I am behind worse than ever. And I am thinking I am just going to go with the flow of it. I am thinking of calling it post traumatic divorce/separation disorder.

PTDSD not an excuse I don't think. Just getting through the process kept me going. These past few months have been dealing with the after math of the process and perhaps this could be the reason that the ho ho ho-ing isn't coming quite naturally. My family is split apart with one kid with her dad a 1000 miles away and the other telling me that Christmas is going to be just plain weird. I get that.

However this evening I'll go buy a tree and wrestle it into the trunk of the Taurus somehow. The Rebel's BF is around though he did something to his back and is pretty much useless, but he wants to stay in my good books so he'll figure out a way to help me get the tree stand on and the thing into the house to thaw out.

So the decorations will go up tonight and tomorrow and I'll play the CDs sent to me by my friend in Washington - the three CDs that go buy the title "not your crooner's Christmas and I am sure I'll come around. It is about the feeling and looking forward to way to bond with the RJ if she'll let me.

Happily Not Unmarried!

My team and I at work went out for lunch yesterday.  Thai – very yummy – a little too spicy for me, but… oh wait… I am digressing again.

During the meal one of my coop students asked me during the course of a conversation whether or not I’d get remarried.

First of all, I never officially discussed my marriage, separation or other personal woes with the team.  None of their business, I barely missed work, and after all the stuff they dealt with during Rebel’s trials, I didn’t subject them to more of my drama.

Secondly, some of them were in the picture – those who must be well connected with people I do talk to – and good on them, however my full timers knew nothing.  THAT was interesting.

I kept that pretty low key and didn’t delve into any details except to say that indeed my marriage broke down and I was now separated.  My one loyal employee asked about the girls, I responded and left it at that.   Okay, she brushes her hands off and says, done with that bit of news and now let’s move on.

Oh!  The original question.  Remarry?  Honey, I am not even UN-married yet never mind thinking about tying that particular knot again.   And then there is the entire annulment process to get through, so the thought of going down THAT road again is certainly not on my radar.   The question came from a lovely student, one who is a little older than most.  She has to be in her late 30s maybe early 40s.  Never married from what I do know about her, but went through a fairly serious relationship and break up a few years ago.

Apparently she has been seeing someone – someone that I do know is not an entirely trustworthy or appropriate individual.  This I do know for a fact.  She is not facing up to the realities of this person and repercussions of the being with him because she needs to be with someone so badly.  It’s a bad scene all way around.

The point being – I don’t particularly want to be married again, I don’t think  For now anyway. Although having seen the difference on pension splitting and the financial side of marriage in old age, I might be persuaded.

However, I also think a companion a la Jackie Kennedy style would be nice – and not that Greek style either, more than man she was with when she died. They each had their own homes, and spent time together and time apart, took vacations and spent holidays together. I kinda like that idea.

Right now though, I am enjoying myself and my time on my own. I don’t want to be one of those women with that hungry look every time a potential companion hits the room.  Unless of course he’s a lanky 35 yr old healthy specimen – then it’s cougar time and all bets are off.   But until then I’ll remain not unmarried, happily separated cocooning in my little space enjoying the life and blessings I have.

Light bulb moments

I can't believe Monday is upon me already. The weekend flew by and was far too short. I had nothing planned for a change and was glad to have a weekend all by myself.

I found myself getting angry again -   It's all the stupid things. Never mind the big one - roof needing fixing, a couple of pieces of trim missing at the top of the stairs, a Macgyvor'd bunch of electrical stuff in my kitchen that just has to go; and a couple of other little things around the house.  It was all bugging me this weekend and making me angry. 

I went to try and put some stuff in the ugly shed shed at the back of the house and put my foot through the floor.  yeah... this is good.  NOT impressed.  The shed is either going to have to be rebuilt or completely demolished and thrown in the red dumpster.

 Irritation factor - I have these really nice lights in my hall way both upstairs and down.  A bulb was burnt out and for the life of me I can't figure out how to get the glass thingy off so I can replace the bulb. Now I am no Einstein, I hate doing math, but gee, I can read instructions - except maps - I can follow a recipe, except for beef stuff, they gave me a masters degree and I am not as inept as my teen ager believes, but really -  replacing a light bulb  is apparently beyond my capabilities.  At least RJ wasn't around rolling her eyes as I attempted to get the light shade down from the ceiling. It was a ridiculous sight. I will wait until TattooYou, my painter guy turns up later this week to show me what the EFF the trick is with these ceiling lamps.  

And talk about lights.  I put one of those last forever environmentally friendly screw type light bulbs into the brand new lamp I bought for the living room.  The thing burnt out this week. huh?  I am hoping it was  just a dud bulb and not a dud lamp.  Clearly we're not sparkling around the place this week.

 

The other niggly make me frustrated stupid thing is the ceiling fan. It's in the stairwell going to the second floor.  WELL it's time for the fan to go clockwise instead of counter clock wise. The whole heat rising AC drops thing.  That much physics I get.  The fan doesn't have a remote control for it the way all the new ones do.  The XSU would bring *his* ladder into the house and get up there and change the direction because the pull chains are 10 feet up in the air. What's a separated-no-ladder-in-the-house-woman supposed to do with the fan?  

The big stuff I dealt with fairly well I think. It's going to be the idiotic small stuff  WTF? type things that will creep up on me little by little that will get my knickers all twisted. 

 Who knew it would be my lack of light changing skills in the DIY department that would set me off. 

I can't cook meat!

I have come to realize that there are some things, well maybe only one or two things, I just can't cook very well.  It seems that beef is at the top of the list.  It's one of those end of marriage things that comes to the fore when you find you have to do something you haven't ever done, or maybe not done in a long time.  Cooking beef is one of those things for me, along with changing lightbulbs, mowing the lawn, and dealing with mouse traps.
I knew I was in trouble when I took a piece of meat, threw it into the oven, cooked it, and it came out tasting like I was eating plywood.

Beef was something that was XSU's responsiblity.  And I have to grudgingly admit he was good at it.  He got rid of the barbecue - I know I know - and bought one of those electric grill things that he kept in the garage.   He regularly spent time in there with his secret sauces and marinades and I just ate.  You know that the electric grill went with him when he left.  In fact it was the only appliance he took.  I should be grateful for this.  Yet even now, a mere two and half months later, it irritates me to no end that the garage still smells like a bad greasy spoon joint. 

Since XSU left I have tried cooking steak, pot roast, a couple of stir fry thingies, and I have to admit, I regularly bomb on all.  RJ sees beef on the counter top and tells me she's not hungry before I even get started. The only thing I can manage is a good beef stew - a full bodied red wine improves everything;. I can also cope fairly well with ground beef.   My roasts - like chewing rubber.  Steaks - we're talking hockey pucks.  And I realized it's because I haven't cooked beef in at least 15-20 years.  Seriously.

I am going to have to re-learn the art of cooking beef. Home Ec 101. Julia Child, Martha Stewart, Joy of Cooking and every other cook book I own will be found strewn across my kitchen when I throw a steak or a roast on the counter and into the oven. Next summer I will have to buy a barbecue and see how many steaks I turn into hockey pucks before I can actually cook a piece of beef worthy of fancy dining room eatin'.  For the next little while though make sure it's chicken, fish or vegetarian if I have invited you over for a meal.

The Buck Stops Here

I have spent the weekend schelpping stuff either up or downstairs.  I am trying to empty the dining room of stuff from the basement and then shifting other stuff around in the other rooms as my windows are finally being replaced this week.  I don't like the idea of these *guys* traipsing through my house - every room in my house - but how else are they gonna get the job done.   My main floor is slowly getting back to being a real living and dining room.  I need to have a garage sale but the season is done.  So the stuff in my garage might just get hauled away by some charity or other.  I don't believe I'd make much money.  I am going to post a few things on our employee forum for sale board at work and see if I can unload a few things.

I called XSU to find out if or when the girls were coming back.  I asked what consequences he imposed on RJ over her skipping classes.  AS expected - not much of anything from his blah blah blah.  "I told her she had to go apologize to the history teacher."  big whoop.  I told him I left a message for the history teacher and the Athletics Assocation teacher and that they were to throw the book at her.  No more leaving classes to take photos at sports tournaments, no skipping classes at all, or her trip to France would be jeopardized .  He told me that was too "harsh"  My eyes are rolling so hard I am getting a head ache. 

Of course the girls didn't get back here til after 9 PM and sure as heck were not in the mood to help me at that time of night.  As expected RJ was going on about needing the laptop.  I told her sure, after she tidied up the ktichen that was spotless until she walked into the door and had to have a snack. Well, she never came back for the laptop so I am just guessing when I go downstairs my kitchen will still be a disaster zone.  sigh...

And yes... point well taken, when RJ is at his house, I have zero control  But when the calls from teachers come to my house and I have her during the week, oh baby the buck will stop with me.

My House. My Rules.

The lovely Red Dell laptop has cut out on me at the same time as the home computer died.

XSU waltzed once again in my home and helped himself to the desktop while I was away.  While I am happy he's dealing with the problem, he still doesn't seem to understand that walking into my home while I am not there to invite him in isn't an option.
 
Ah well, soon enough he won't recognize the place any way.  The painting is coming along beautifully.  My furniture has arrived and is almost in place.  The piano needs to be moved again, but I need a stronger back  particularly because the poor piano is falling apart and the legs are tottering. 

I have a dining room and garage full of stuff I am not sure I want back in the basement but I do need to get everything off the main floor again so it is livable.
 
I've sent XSU two emails asking about upcoming appointments and things that RJ needs to get done as she prepares for her trip to France - passport stuff, medical certificates, upcoming scheduled vaccines etc, and I've had zero response.  Can you see the eye rolling?

Meanwhile RJ and Frenchy are living in the newly renovated basement. She's been leaving a mess down there.  I've asked the HH - Hunky Handyman to put a lock on the wrong side with a key for me.  That way if RJ doesn't clean up after herself, I lock the basement with a key and she can't get down there.  It will make her crazy.  No doubt when/if I sell the place potential buyers will wonder why there is a key on a door going down into the basement.   Serves my purposes though.

Meanwhile, Rebel tells me that the people living in their house are moving out.  They are renting the basement and now think they will leave as well.  Guess what?  She wants to move back in with me bringing along the BF and her crazy half dachshund half Jack Russel dog.  I told her fine for her and BF no to the dog. And they would NOT be living in my newly renovated basement.   The basement is my family room and not a bedroom.  And I am NOT interested in having her dog in my house, and gee... she  could always go live with her dad in his empty house.   Evil grin and maniacal laughter ensues.

Of course the BF can't stand the XSU so not sure if that will work, but I have told Rebel emphatically - no dog.  My house my rules.  She is telling me she will come and take my little Buttons dog away.  While this will hurt me, it will ultimately cause the little guy more grief I think. So I called her bluff and said so be it.  Take him. But no coming back to my home with the crazy noisy puppy.  I am not interested in having him back.

I don't think it's supposed to be this way, but I have to draw the line somewhere for my own piece of mind.

Restructuring: Life after marriage ends.

The end of the marriage has begun. It would seem that I really should move on and the spousalennuie needs to be done. From now on it is restructuring time.

And wow am I restructuring. I am starting with foundations. The basement rec room. I've had it completely gutted and and am rebuilding it from the cement walls - got rid of the nasty panelling and it is being replaced with gyprock. Rebel Junior would like the walls painted a shade of yellow. I can go with that. I want her to be able to spend time here with her friends and be comfortable and if the colour of the room helps make a difference so be it.

My personal restructuring has also begun. I've changed all my " emergency contacts" at work. I have a good friend from church up on first and and she has my two brothers up on her list. I've kept them all in that loop. That was a big one.