Moving on .

I've been blogging for a few years now. Sometimes sporadically sometimes daily, but almost regularly. I have finally separated from XSU and starting to live a new life on my own. The original blog helped me get through the painful process of the end of the marriage, along with some bumpy roads dealing with a critically ill child in the midst of the end of marriage mess. Now this blog will see me through the new paths and adventures that life has to offer. Restructuring my life. My way. My experiences, ventings, musings on that whole big and not so big deal.

October 29, 2009

Forget Freedom 55!

I have been at a pre retirement seminar for the last three days. They recommend we take them at the start of our work life mid way through then again at the 5-10 year mark before we retire. I have to say I am quite fortunate to have a government pension as well as my RRSPs. Listening to the various people give us the goods on how much money we're going to need to live on was a little scary but I am nearly okay. The only thing I find is it looks like I'll have to work til age 62 or 60 rather than saying good bye at 58 or so. No Freedom 55 for me much to my chagrin.

Not enough equity in my house due to separation, no spousal unit to split my income and bring down my tax rate and a will that according to the resident legal expert brought in, is in need of some revision. This all adds up to a few more years of work.

I decided to take a teaching assignment at our local community college. Gotta bring in some extra income for my investment portfolio - such as it is - or better, pay off the credit cards. I am going to be teaching a marketing course for the paraprofessionals. Should be fun. I am designing the course too so that will give me a few extra bucks. It's not a huge amount of money, and I only get paid during teaching time, not prep time which is typcial. hmmm I could use my rabble rousing union shop steward expertise and maybe get them "organized." It's a challenge I wanted to try just to be in a new environment and meeting different people.

We've started the count down for Frenchy five days and she's back to France.

October 27, 2009

Be prepared- back up plans

The crankiness continues, but I am working through it.  RJ has made it plain that as soon as Frenchy leaves, she's outta here.  She's going to live with Dad.  Okay.... am I supposed to do something about that?  It almost sounded to me like a challenge, but I am not sure.  Of course she'll go. 

Meanwhile, "Dad" is doing whatever he does in his lonely little bungalow in Bells Corners, AKA, BC, where he resides a few minutes away from me.  I got an email from him asking me what RJ's weight was when she was born.  I sent it to him and figure what the hell, may as well ask why he needs it.    He's applying for a birth certificate for her. UMMM  That's been done. Over 18 momths ago I got her birth certificate.  The girl needs a Social Insurance Number so she can get a job.  At the time I got her birth certificate I asked him to please get the SIN card since the government office where the paper work needs to be dropped off is two minutes from his school. I asked him to finish up the details, take the girl down there and get it done.  18 months later we continue to wait. Same with her passport.

Frenchy's time with us is nearly done.  Seriously - it's been three months already.  Can't believe it. The only two things I asked XSU to do with the girls:  1- Take them to Montreal for a day, and 2- take them to a hockey game.  Montreal was nixed - he doesn't have the money, and he'll get tickets for a game this week. They're playing out of town this week and back for a game on Halloween. I roll my eyes.  RJ of course, has plans for Halloween night.  The game for some reason is at 2 PM so they will go - IF XSU manages to actually go out and buy tickets. I thought I was doing both girls a favour since XSU really does know the game better than I do, but I LOVE the arena, whereas XSU prefers to sit alone with a beer or something and watch in the privacy of his own bungalow without people around him.  WhatEV. 

Rebel has been talking "break up" again - it comes it goes.  But more often these days.  I think she's sorta getting fed up but not quite ready enough yet.  She breaks up with him she's going to land at my house.  I so do NOT want her dog. So I will have to have a back up plan and I suspect it will be XSU.  This does make me laugh as he so wants to Garbo it - "I vant to be alone" but he'll have both girls and whatever noise they both bring around.  All speculation so far, but it's good to be prepared.

October 26, 2009


I am giddy with tiredness.  I am waaaaay over tired.  But here I am - in bed- in the dark watching U2 on YouTube. It was apparently very loud as RJ came in and told me to turn it down.  What? It's Elevation - my absolutely favourite U2 song.  I LOVE that song.  Grudgingly I did turn it down.  It's 12:48 AM and I should be well into my beauty rest.  God knows at my age, puffy eyes in the morning are totally not attractive.     
The Edge... coolest of the cool axe men and my goodness what is it about those strong quiet guitar types anyway?   That touque though.. as much as he always wears it - I bet he's gone bald under that hat and has "issues." WhatEv. See how tired I am rambling away on the blog. 

This has been a seriously stupidly busy week.  I had things going on every evening after work.  A couple of meetings, an exit interview with a coach leaving the gym - that was some one hour- a memorial service for a friend's dad, plus the usual chauffering and dealing with RJ and Frenchy.    Rebel came around more than once scrounging for food.  
The windows were all replaced and I had to take care of a couple of little imperfections. TattooYou - the Hunky Handyman's work partner - came in to paint trim along the front hall and finish the main floor. I had planned on a quiet weekend alone at home but for some reason RJ didn't go to the XSU's place and I ended up having to run her around with Frenchy.   The weekend was no better.  I didn't stop either day and I find I am not interested in that kind of pace but with no one around to pick up around me, I did what I had to do. 

On the one hand I don't mind RJ being here but she has not an ounce of gratitude in her little self and I am rather tired of it.  I am hoping that once Frenchy leaves, in 10 days, that RJ will go spend some time at her dad's and leave me in peace for a week or three.  Unmotherly?  Perhaps but the reality is - I hope she is as brutal towards her father as she is to me.   I am exhausted with her and need the break to re group.

 This single parenting thing makes me tired and at the same time makes it impossible to sleep as stuff keeps racing through my head.

The two girls are eating me out of house and home.  Have I ever mentioned that I do NOT enjoy grocery shopping except as therapy?  To actually have to keep track of bread, milk, cheese and yogurt bores me.  It was an SU task  as was the monies spent on thd is stuff.. Two teen age girls in the house and I swear I am spending a small fortune every week on food.  And of course the usual refrain of "there's nothing to eat" two minutes after all the groceries were put away.
I had Rebel, her BF, RJ Frenchy and one of RJ's friends at the house this evening.  Rebel wants take out food - and half the groceries went out the door with her. My kitchen is totally turned around due to the minor imperfection with the windows.  too long of a story for now.

Do I sound cranky?  I feel cranky.  Perhaps a good night's rest would cure that?   Vertigo - my other favourite U2 song.   Time to crash.  6:30arrives way too soon. 


October 18, 2009

The Buck Stops Here

I have spent the weekend schelpping stuff either up or downstairs.  I am trying to empty the dining room of stuff from the basement and then shifting other stuff around in the other rooms as my windows are finally being replaced this week.  I don't like the idea of these *guys* traipsing through my house - every room in my house - but how else are they gonna get the job done.   My main floor is slowly getting back to being a real living and dining room.  I need to have a garage sale but the season is done.  So the stuff in my garage might just get hauled away by some charity or other.  I don't believe I'd make much money.  I am going to post a few things on our employee forum for sale board at work and see if I can unload a few things.

I called XSU to find out if or when the girls were coming back.  I asked what consequences he imposed on RJ over her skipping classes.  AS expected - not much of anything from his blah blah blah.  "I told her she had to go apologize to the history teacher."  big whoop.  I told him I left a message for the history teacher and the Athletics Assocation teacher and that they were to throw the book at her.  No more leaving classes to take photos at sports tournaments, no skipping classes at all, or her trip to France would be jeopardized .  He told me that was too "harsh"  My eyes are rolling so hard I am getting a head ache. 

Of course the girls didn't get back here til after 9 PM and sure as heck were not in the mood to help me at that time of night.  As expected RJ was going on about needing the laptop.  I told her sure, after she tidied up the ktichen that was spotless until she walked into the door and had to have a snack. Well, she never came back for the laptop so I am just guessing when I go downstairs my kitchen will still be a disaster zone.  sigh...

And yes... point well taken, when RJ is at his house, I have zero control  But when the calls from teachers come to my house and I have her during the week, oh baby the buck will stop with me.

I curse you XSU!

The girls - RJ and Frenchy - are with XSU this weekend.  Thank goodness.  I needed the break and it couldn't have come soon enough.  I don't know how single parents with little ones who demand attention manage because two 16 year old girls and I am crawling by the end of the day.  There is something to be said for having babies at age 21 instead of a career.  That way you're not in your 50s going through perimenopause and dealing with a hormonal teen too.  Too many of the wrong kind of hormones mixing together.    I digress.....

Rushing to get dinner.  Getting things done after dinner.  Taking the dog out for a walk.  Hopefully things will calm down a little once Frenchy heads home.  I have tried asking RJ to do more to contribute and I am not getting too far.... yet.   Again her father's legacy. I continue to demand and every now and again - when she wants something - I manage to get some cooperation.  I am not like her father and I won't end up giving up and doing things myself.  I don't have that energy.  The girl needs to be responsible and contribute to this little household. 

She pulled a couple of fast ones this week with Frenchy and I let XSU know I wasn't impressed and he shouldn't be either. By Sunday afternoon her phone - and life line via text - will be turned off for a few days and I have hidden her laptop - again- until I see a few changes.  Though I have to admit her not having cell access ends up disturbing me almost as much as it bothers her.   I am already gearing up - ear plugs please - to deal with her whining and yowling about her phone and blah blah computer for homework.   Talk to the hand I say.

I have to call XSU and see what he's decided to do - if anything -  I suspect his gum surgery will be making him stupider than usual and he won't be doing much of anything in the consequences of your actions department.  Can you see me roll my eyes.

On the reno front - The HH informed me that I had better get a new roof on the house.  I had a roofing company come in and sure enough he said from the look of the thing I should have holes in my ceiilings by now.  One more thing that XSU let go. I have put such a big Ukrainian curse on him it's gonna be more than gum surgery inconveniencing him for some time.  I had planned on the roof for next spring, but both HH and the roofing guy - the husband of a woman I work with so he is trustworthy - have told me NOW.  Oh well... new roof or basement furniture... not much choice.

October 13, 2009

Good time had by all.

It wasn't bad as long weekends go.  It sure wasn't typicial by any stretch.  No turkey yet.  Rebel was in a snit that I wasn't make a turkey.;  XSU didn't bother either.  Something he usually does.

I took RJ and Frenchy to Toronto for the long weekend.  XSU told me he'd reimburse me "his share" of my expenses.  What ev - don't know what that means, but I have the receipts and have itemized them so he will get the bills. 

RJ as usual wanted nothing more than to hit the malls.  That's the extent of her idea of going on a trip anywhere.  I was luckily able to divert her attention some what to go see some friends sing at one of their regular gigs - even if for only the last 4 or 5 songs or so.  Nonetheless the girls enjoyed the walk there and back.  I had hoped to engage said friends in conversation but they were lucky enough to have a journalist interested in their songs and experiences so we left and hiked back to the hotel stopping enroute for a bite to eat in a little restaurant the girls picked out. 

We saw the new Andrew Lloyd Weber play The Lost Boys in the Photograph - a wonderfully entertaining yet thoughtful look at The Troubles in Ireland through the eyes of a bunch of boys on a soccer "football" team.   It was originally called The Beautiful Game.  A great story.   Before going to the theatre I took the girls to the top of the CN Tower.  We did the VIP version - no waiting in line to go up the elevator no waiting to come down either.  We enjoyed lunch in the revolving restaurant.  yes it cost a pretty penny - but it was well worth it for the view and surprisingly the food was good too.  No waiting either.  I hate waiting especially when I have things to do.Add in some Abercrombie and Fitch time as well as Hollister and Pottery Barn for me and it was a good day. 

The hotel was pretty cramped -   Smallest room I've seen for a while.  I used my points from Air Canada so I don't feel too ripped off.  At least the girls made use of the gym at the hotel.  Frenchy would have gone in the pool with the 4 story slide but RJ didn't bother bringing her bathing suit.  I think she regretted that.  And I refused to buy her another one.  

I managed to put my car over a curb.  The noise was awful.  And I had to make just as much noise to get off the curb.  Not a pretty sight.   RJ had taken a picture.  When we arrived at the hotel I was pretty stressed  - the girl at Reception felt bad for me - either because of my problematic driving skills or kid mocking me because of said driving skills she gave me the cot for the room at no charge.  I valet parked the park and didn't look at it again til it was time to leave.

I only got lost once.  I do not like driving in Toronto.  I like flying or taking the train to Toronto.

I now have these girls for a full two weeks.  XSU has to  have more gum surgery and  doesn't want to have them around while he is in pain and off work.  No doubt I will be dragging by the time they spend a weekend with him. 

October 09, 2009


Now I know there are a few gentlemen who read the blog. Let me tell you right now. Stop reading this post. It's very girl oriented and its content is nothing you need to know about. Trust me on this. shoo shoo. Go find something else to read because today - this blog is a "girls only" kinda deal. You've been warned.

Are they gone? ( sticks her nose around the corner of the screen just to be sure)

Girls. WTF???? I've been without my "special monthly" friend for over a year. Oh happy days. I thought I was going through the ch-ch-ch-change. (insert David Boey audio clip here) Well last week I started getting the strangest feeling in my abdomen. You know that feeling - like someone has a hand in there and is just squeezing and releasing all your internal organs?

Well lo and behold... I had a period. A full fledged bring it all on period. You can imagine what I thought when I saw what I saw. I thought I was hemoraging it's been that long. But nooooooooo it's my "special monthly" friend causing my current cranky state of affairs. Again I say... WTF?!?!?

Here's my theory. I tend to hold my anxiety, issues in my gut. When I am upset I don't eat. I can't. The thought of food makes me want to vomit big time. There's been a lot of tension in my life the past couple of years and I figure the ovaries couldn't handle it and checked out. They're done.

SO the XSU leaves the building and what? The tension dissipates I start to release all that tightness and THIS is the result?! The ovaries have decided to come up and look for one last match up somewhere. Have my pheremones started some kind of radar thing? Everytime I walk by men are the ovaries dropping and screaming "She's got eggs... really she does!" Or is it more of a "She is free and ready! Last eggs ready to drop! Take advantage of this one time only offer!"

Time to do more research on this ch-ch-ch-change of life thing - she cues the David Boey song again, grabs a scotch in one hand, those things with wings in the other hand and dances over to the bathroom.... again.

October 06, 2009

Emphatically NO!

Rebel and the BF have to move out of their basement apartment. The upstairs tenants are moving out and the two don't want to stay there. The place has its problems too

The BF has lost yet another job and Rebel is in school full time. I want her to stay there. The BF while trying to find work, doesn't have any trades papers or other qualifications. He's good at a lot of things but nothing that certifies his skills. 

So guess what?   She wants to move back - with him and her little dog too! I am not impressed. I told her to go see her father. XSU said no. A 3 bedroom house and a full basement and he said no. Can we say selfish bastard? He then proceeded to tell her all the reasons why they should move in with me. He will build a dog house and a run for the dog. They could live in my newly renovated basement. They would keep me company and "help me out" so I wouldn't have to be alone. 

OF COURSE XSU doesn't want the Rebel and her BF nor the little dog too at his place. It might interfere with his aloofness and need to be alone.   OF COURSE he assumes I would be ready to welcome all with open arms. The truth is I am not. I told Rebel if she had to move back she could. I would rather her BF moved back to his own parents place - they won't have him - and the dog? Not welcome. I have one dog and that's more than enough. She thnks I am harsh and a bitch. But her father? oh it's all right for him to say no and he's not selfish at all.

I have to have more than a few words with XSU on his totally inaccurate assumptions and utter selfishness. With RJ heading to France for three months I have been anticipating a quiet three months without having to deal with the every day demands of a teen nor of her almost equally demanding older sister. I believe that given the life I have contended with for oh the last 7-8 years or so I am entitled to that peace and calm for at least three months.

I *really* believe that XSU owes me - separation or not. It's his turn to shoulder this responsibility.  Rebel, her BF along with her little dog too would all be very comfortable over there. I now have to make that point wih him. Very emphatically.

October 02, 2009


It's the weekend.  Thank goodness.  The girls are going to XSU's place and he has promised me that they will be at home at a reasonable hour and there will be no sleepovers anywhere.

I told him that Frenchy is looking for a some touring around Ottawa, and of course he says to me - let me know what tours are out there.   I roll my eyes and think "you're such a hot shot researcher on the Internet you can't find the tour companies and get the info yourself?!?"    So I sent him some links and I hope he forks out some time and money on the girls.

I will be glad to have the place to myself and enjoy some quiet as I pull together the house and move stuff back to the basement or out to the garage. 

I found a tiny tear in my new chair in the living room.  Right on a seam.  I am waiting for phone call so it can be fixed. I also realized my fridge was making a ton of noise because the non-existent ice maker in the freezer was trying to make ice and I am not interested in connecting the fridge to a water source.  One more thing that could go wrong, so I managed to figure out how to turn the ice maker to OFF.

One thing I can't figure out is how to get a burnt out light bulb out of the fixture in my kitchen.  Seriously. I mean I can't pull it out, it doesn't screw out and I see no way to get this thing out so I can take it to the store and replace it.  Luckily HH tells me he wants to drop by on Sunday to finish up a couple of little things so I will get him to show me what the deal is with the damn thing.

It's not the big stuff that gets you frustrated or down when you're on your own, it's the stupid little things that you aren't even aware of til you need to be.

October 01, 2009

My House. My Rules.

The lovely Red Dell laptop has cut out on me at the same time as the home computer died.

XSU waltzed once again in my home and helped himself to the desktop while I was away.  While I am happy he's dealing with the problem, he still doesn't seem to understand that walking into my home while I am not there to invite him in isn't an option.
Ah well, soon enough he won't recognize the place any way.  The painting is coming along beautifully.  My furniture has arrived and is almost in place.  The piano needs to be moved again, but I need a stronger back  particularly because the poor piano is falling apart and the legs are tottering. 

I have a dining room and garage full of stuff I am not sure I want back in the basement but I do need to get everything off the main floor again so it is livable.
I've sent XSU two emails asking about upcoming appointments and things that RJ needs to get done as she prepares for her trip to France - passport stuff, medical certificates, upcoming scheduled vaccines etc, and I've had zero response.  Can you see the eye rolling?

Meanwhile RJ and Frenchy are living in the newly renovated basement. She's been leaving a mess down there.  I've asked the HH - Hunky Handyman to put a lock on the wrong side with a key for me.  That way if RJ doesn't clean up after herself, I lock the basement with a key and she can't get down there.  It will make her crazy.  No doubt when/if I sell the place potential buyers will wonder why there is a key on a door going down into the basement.   Serves my purposes though.

Meanwhile, Rebel tells me that the people living in their house are moving out.  They are renting the basement and now think they will leave as well.  Guess what?  She wants to move back in with me bringing along the BF and her crazy half dachshund half Jack Russel dog.  I told her fine for her and BF no to the dog. And they would NOT be living in my newly renovated basement.   The basement is my family room and not a bedroom.  And I am NOT interested in having her dog in my house, and gee... she  could always go live with her dad in his empty house.   Evil grin and maniacal laughter ensues.

Of course the BF can't stand the XSU so not sure if that will work, but I have told Rebel emphatically - no dog.  My house my rules.  She is telling me she will come and take my little Buttons dog away.  While this will hurt me, it will ultimately cause the little guy more grief I think. So I called her bluff and said so be it.  Take him. But no coming back to my home with the crazy noisy puppy.  I am not interested in having him back.

I don't think it's supposed to be this way, but I have to draw the line somewhere for my own piece of mind.