Moving on .

I've been blogging for a few years now. Sometimes sporadically sometimes daily, but almost regularly. I have finally separated from XSU and starting to live a new life on my own. The original blog helped me get through the painful process of the end of the marriage, along with some bumpy roads dealing with a critically ill child in the midst of the end of marriage mess. Now this blog will see me through the new paths and adventures that life has to offer. Restructuring my life. My way. My experiences, ventings, musings on that whole big and not so big deal.

February 28, 2010

Sunday Snippets

Scrap & Spa next weekend. My weekend with the girls - massage, talk chick flicks and scrap booking. I am in charge of jello shots. Apparently most women over the age of 30 have never had any. The 16 yr old tells me it's best to make them with the blue jello because it is raspberry flavoured.

I need to decide - Garmin or Ipod Touch? I will take a poll on my Facebook page. When I mention that I drove around in a big circle on a road in the other end of the city yesterday for an hour and at least 40 K only to get back to my starting pointing; then I took another road and got to where I needed to be in 5 minutes; I might sway the vote.

RJ has been gone less than two weeks, has spent at least $350 and wants another $100 to buy a one of a kind dress for prom. She's in grade 11 and going to prom. She's not even been to Paris yet. The agreement was 35 euros a week. Her father was supposed to put money into her account Friday AM, taking into account the 6 hour time difference. He put it in at 4PM on Saturday. I told her to send him an email. Thank goodness she is back at school this week. Puts the stop to the cash drain.

Snow is melting - it's above zero. Weird. It looks like March is coming in like a lamb. You know what that means for the end of the month!

I am probably the only Canadian in the world not watching the hockey game today. To some it makes me less of a patriot. But I am making cookies and transferring my CDs (a thankless job) to limewire instead just in case I go with the ipod touch.

I went to a funeral for a still born baby on Thursday. It was a special service for infants. There can be nothing sadder than seeing a teeny tiny baby in a beautiful white christmation gown lying still in a teeny tiny casket, and parents closing the casket. Absolutely the most heart wrenching event I have ever experienced. I have to admire the great faith of my friends and the way they have been dealing with the loss of their little one. The church was full.

Now go hug your kids.

February 27, 2010

Today is National Kalhua Day

WHO KNEW? I had planned on giving up alcohol for Lent this year. It's not going well. sigh... And then I read International Kalhua Day? Kalhua has its own day? I found recipes. I think the intoxicologist and I are going to become friends.

Did I mention I wanted to take a bar tending course? I do! And then I want to find some bar somewhere and work a shift or two a week. But not the weekends. I'll leave the weekend work to "the kids" who really need the money and the tips.

The Kalhua web site is a trial, but here it is regardless. And enjoy a wee bit. Rummaging through the cupboard to see if there is any Kalhua left for the coffee to go along with the Saturday newspaper.

February 26, 2010

It's a match!

They say that people look like their dogs. I’ve looked in the mirror very carefully. I've put pictures of my dog and me next to each other, and nope, I don’t see a resemblance. However, my dog and my dad? Now there is a match. I look at my dog as he looks at me and it’s eerie,
he’s channeling my dad.

Now, having said that, I have found a few things that my dog and I do have in common. It’s eerie too.

I need a hair cut. My bangs, or fringe as they call it across the pond, are falling into my eyes, causing me bad hair moments. And I can't see.

Dog does needs a haircut too. He can't see through the hair falling in his eyes.

I seem to have bad teeth, they’re either falling out or need to be removed.

Dog’s are too.

I love going for walks. Dog does too.

I check my messages regularly. Dog does too.

I really don’t like Rebel’s dog. Neither does my little dog.

I don’t have a lot to do with XSU any more. Haven’t seen or talked to more than once or twice since Rebel Junior left. Neither does the dog!

February 22, 2010

Dating? Not so much.

I keep getting asked "are you dating yet? Been out with anyone yet? Seeing anyone?" OY! AS IF.

There just aren't enough hours in the day to do what I need to do - when I am not wasting time playing Bejewelled on Face Book that seriously I haven't had time to even think about dating.

I am sure I'd like to... have someone in my life. Dating? Not so much. I mean really - I have thighs that are filled with cellulite, I don't have all my own teeth, I am rather opinionated, like my space, and getting through a date fills me with dread. Complete and utter dread.

The good thing is I don't have time to think about it for now
Perhaps as time goes on and I feel the need for companionship I will get there. But for now? Freakin busy, enjoying my friends, and taking it a day at a time.

February 21, 2010

Sunday Snippets

Pretty quiet around renovation central. I have been super stressed at work, so the rest of the life has been to come home and crash.

Since RJ went to France I haven't seen or heard from XSU.

Rebel and the BF are fighting again. I continue to hope for a natural conclusion to all this. She could do so much better, but she needs to believe that herself.
I need to get back in gear to get my classes organized for March. This teaching gig is a challenge. I've always appreciated teachers, but even more so now.

I bought new shoes to replace the worn out ones. Just by luck. Half price, leather and NOT made in China. bonus.

Yet another friend is online dating. Some success - some doozies. I am not quite brave enough yet. I am in no rush to put myself out there.

I booked a ticket to fly home for a week to see my dad. My options are to stay with my brother who has two cats. I am allergic to cats. This isn't going to fly.
I could stay with my dad at "the home" where he lives - one of those fancy pants retirement residences. They have guest suites. OR I might stay with my best friend. Shall see how this all comes together.

It's good and quiet and I am good with this for now. The friend who wanted to go to Las Vegas went by himself. We might see a movie or have dinner when he gets back. He's just a friend. A good friend.

February 15, 2010

Lost over Loafers

I'm not one of those Carrie Bradshaw type shoe people. I don't lust after shoes, I don't really go out of my way to shop for shoes. This may be where the librarian in me comes out. I have your black pumps, your navy pumps, a couple of pairs of black dress heels, the obligatory red shoes, a bunch of pairs of sandals for the summer and may be one or two other pairs but that's about it.

I do have this one pair of loafers that I have loved and worn for years. I've had them so long I am sure it must have been late 20th century when I bought them. They came from Arnold Churgin Shoes in Calgary - my favourite shoe store. Okay I like shoes enough to have a favourite shoe store - that I shop at once every 5-10 years when I head to Calgary to visit friends and family.
This pair of loafers was a beautiful leather, comfortable beyond belief, the perfect heel. I wore them all the time - with jeans, or dress pants. I put them away a couple of years ago, after probably replacing the heels at least twice - because I felt I *really* needed to buy something new, something a little more 21st century. I haven't found that pair yet. They're either ugly, wrong kind of heel, they don't fit my foot properly, ( I have high arches, and size 6 feet) or they make me look like a librarian. - don't start.

I decided to wear them this weekend - no snow on the ground - pavement anyway - because I was tired of boots and heavy footwear. As I was driving I thought my foot felt a little cold and the shoe a little thin . They just didn't feel quite right.

When I got home I took the shoes off and had a look at the sole. Oh yeah... they are pretty much worn right through. The top of the shoe still looks great - I polished them often, cleaned them, but nothing could save the sole. So, I will have to pitch these favourite shoes and this will force me to find *something.*

Who knew one could feel so lost over a little pair of black leather loafers. A pair of CFMs - oh yeah... but loafers?

February 14, 2010

Sunday Snippets

Happy Valentine's Day.
I am going to make Red Velvet Cake. I do every year. This year though, I am making cupcakes instead of a layer cake. They are going to work for a treat with my team and others who work near my library. I pay off IT Support and translators. It helps in crunch times.

RJ has landed safely in France. There was one mishap with her luggage. She took a container of Starbucks Hot Chocolate for Frenchy and I neglected to put it into a ziploc bag. It exploded inside her suitcase, which is very soft sided and yeah... chocolate powder all over everything. What a way to start a three month stay. Her exchange mom was pretty cool - she already does laundry for 4 children and took it all in stride. But still... that was a bad mom move on my part.

I am putting pressure on Rebel's BF to get out of my house. I've asked him for rent again and he walked off in a huff. I told him I would speak to his boss this week if he didn't pay me and perhaps his boss could come to an arrangement with me instead. Let's just say that neither he nor Rebel took it well. heh heh heh. I don't see him looking too hard to get his own place either. I am not sure what part of "I am tired of you being in my house and I want you and the dog out before the end of this month" he doesn't understand. I told him that my daughter has no say in the subject and he needed to man up in a big way.

The rest of the country has a day off tomorrow. Various provincial holidays across the country. We in the federal government don't have this in our collective agreement so off to work I go. The place will be half empty so I am hoping to get caught up. Budget and planning has been preoccupying me and my office is as messy as my house. We have a pancake breakfast marketing event in the library every year and Tuesday is the day. Mardi Gras Pancake Tuesday. It's become a tradition and my team and our clients look forward to it. I even manage to show up at work at 7 AM when most of the bodies seem to be there.

It's also Reading Week this week at the college so I won't be teaching. I can get some course work done. And if I am really lucky, I might go skating with Lily on the Road. Weather pending. Note to self. Get the ice skates sharpened up! Have a good week.

I Heart you all. (all three or four of you!)

February 08, 2010

It's all about him.

I had a chat with the woo hoo specialist who helped me get through Rebel's time in hospital. I found myself needing some strategies to to understand how to make a few changes and how I react to the XSU and the offspring.

Because her insights are a woo-hoo-ish I never really know what direction our conversations will go or what I will learn. I know it sounds odd and perhaps totally bogus, but the fact of the matter is, the woman is helpful and does have a unique way of helping me solve my own issues through her own work and research. What Ev it was worth the hour of my time.
Narcissism. That ended up being the subject of the day. Particularly XSU's narcissism. Something I had never really viewed about him really. But the shoe fits. One of the many definitions of narcissism in the Urban Dictionary is : "someone who thinks that they are superior to everyone else or/and thinks only of themselves. conceited."

But it comes down to more than conceit. We ended up in a conversation about values, and morals. Those who are narcissistic do not usually have a set of moral values that they follow - because their concern is usually themselves. It's never about anyone except me. This doesn't translate well when one becomes a parent.
Someone in a relationship with a person like this means a different set of strategies for communicating, understanding and all those other things that make marriages or relationships work. Well, a little late on one hand, but helpful on the other.

It also means though that my girls have these tendencies as well. Ergo, Rebel with her sense of entitlement, her dislike for people in general, and her belief that being "pretty" will help her in life. ( the feminist woman in me shudders and wonders WTF????) Alas, says Ms Woo Hoo when I need to talk to her, to have her do what I need her to do, requires an approach that isn't a straightforward one. I have to appeal to an issue on her level and not mine. Pretty straight stuff and nothing new, but understanding the why behind it made sense to me.

Perhaps it's all BS but when I think of some of the arrogant and conceited things XSU does or did, and says, along with his desire to be seen as a nice guy or someone who is helpful, it makes sense to me.
The bottom line is if I need something, and as much as it pains me I will need to cater to the narcissistic side of his personality to get what I need it. I may need to vomit after I am done but it helps me get done whatever it is, then so be it. Mirror mirror on his wall - he's not the fairest but he believes he is.

And RJ leaves in two days. Not that I am counting or anything!

February 07, 2010

Sunday Snippets

Three days until Rebel Junior is off to France. Packing commences today. We got a nifty suitcase - expandable, on wheels and looks like a big carry on bag instead of a suitcase. Borrowed it from a one of my coop students at work.

Now that I've read Julie and Julia, but haven't seen the movie yet, I might just have to get my mom's copy of
Mastering the Art of French Cooking, look up "beef" and see what I can do with it. May be once or twice a week, in my spare time.

I have one day to scrap book a little photo album for RJ to take to France for Frenchy. 40 photos shouldn't take long.

Both girls dumped a whole whack of clothes in the spare bedroom. I went "psycho" according to Rebel, and took all the clothes, put them into 4! count'em FOUR garbage bags and dumped them into the trunk of my car. There were a whole pile of socks, and never worn stuff in there that belongs to Rebel's BF. oh well. They will end up at the ST. Vincent de Paul Society.

I stopped taking my stuff to the Diabetes Association, because they sell their stuff to Value Village which is owned by WAL MART!!! I try to avoid Wal Mart- except for the $175 I spent there yesterday buying cleaning crap, and stuff like that. I went in to pick up the $6 worth of photos for the above mentioned scrapbook.

Will be writing my first test for my students this week. There's some stress. I've never written tests before. Better make sure it's fair and understandable.

There seem to be some good furniture sales and I was going to buy a recliner for myself for the basement, but decided I will look for a chaise lounger for my bedroom instead. Selfish? Indeed. I want and need somewhere to rest my weary spirit when I want to escape and Calgon isn't cutting it.

I hear there is a football game today? I'll be catching missed episodes of Modern Family instead.

February 04, 2010

Thursday Thirteen:

You know when....

1. The big garbage bag corporate logo is “TUFF” the bag ain’t. sigh....
2. He says he’ll be ready to pick the offspring up at 5 PM it really means 5:40 PM
3. The other offspring says she’ll have the car back in an hour it’s merely a window for between 2-5 hours.
4. The either offspring asks do you have any money, it really means I’ll take $20++.
5. The offspring does take the car and it was full of gas it will only be replaced by half – if that.
6. He says he’ll curb the spending on the younger one, it means he’ll buy her the $90 pair of shoes instead of the $160 ones that she thinks she deserves.
7. She says she isn’t hungry it means she’s just too lazy to come downstairs and sit at the table, but if you take a plate up or down – it’s hoovered.
8. You show up at work and you’re the first to arrive and it’s 9:15 AM it’s not a good sign.
9. Any light goes on in the car on the dash panel, brakes, oil, battery, it means a $1000 bill.
10. There is even so much as a hint of snow falling during morning rush hour it means an exponential delay of getting to work by at least 30 minutes for every .5 inch of snow.
11. There is any amount of chocolate milk in the fridge it will disappear within 30 seconds of leaving the grocery bag and being put into the fridge.
12. Someone- offspring-like asks “are you doing anything tonight?” they either want the car, a drive or both. And Further more are shocked, annoyed or both if you answer yes to the first and no to anything else.
13. Your offspring wants to have a house full of friends because she is madly cleaning the house – something that has only happened when there is a blue moon in the sky.

February 02, 2010

Does she have all her teeth?

I have been attempting a self portrait of my smile and it's not going well.  It was going to start as a wordless wednesday feature and carry over to 13 on Thursday.  It's not going well.  I've given up the self portrait because every image is blurry. 

The thing is - I have a false tooth in my mouth.  Right at the very front of my mouth.  Ruins my smile.  It needs to go. Because, if I ask the question so probably, do most men,"Does he have all his teeth?"  And for me, as questions go, it's an important one.  One's own teeth speak to good dental hygiene and general overall good health. Missing teeth  - speak to me.  Not in a good  way.

Um... no... she doesn't have all her own teeth.  Indeed she's missing two.  One fairly obviously and the second... at the back - not so obviously.  This is NOT me by the way but it sure is my problem!

The story of the poor tooth is that it has gone from root canal to post and crown to infection and rotted to gone.  Replaced by a temporary "flipper"  and I am now moving on to the third "temporary" flipper.   While I was married I  didn't get it replaced with an implant and the benefit of two dental plans because I realized that XSU was not really interested in looking after me while I was down and out and instinctively, I knew he wouldn't be there for me.  Then life got in the way and it went down the priority list. 

But now, as I am being encouraged by friends, hired hand coop students, and others to explore Lava Life, I am pretty convinced any man, like any reasonable woman, would ask  "Does she have all her teeth?" 
The deal with the implant is it requires a bone graft so the implant will have something to hang on.  The bone graft while covered by provincial health insurance plan, requires going under the knife and being out for at least two hours.  Then it's a five days of a black and blue face  and 3-9 months before I can actually get the implant implanted.  

Not sure it's worth that for good sex  companionship.  There's gotta be some guy out there who thinks a half toothless middle aged babe might just do the trick.