13 on Thursday

13 Things in restructuring, thinking, or doing

1. Being invited to more parties since leaving the XSU behind!

2. Being with someone new means going to twice as many parties this year.

3. Having to carve out time for myself and not being together 24/7, but this is difficult

4. Understanding that living together would really cut expenses almost in half: newspapers, cable, internet, snow ploughing services, lawn cutting services, divided instead of multiplied by 2

5.Understanding that living together means I have to share my space. Not sure yet.

6. Understanding that waking up with someone every morning who wants to be there and make the coffee is not to be scoffed at.

7. Even though the offspring want you to have someone in your life, they are still not completely 100% sure it is something they like.

8. Making travel plans with someone is fun.

9.I still prefer shopping by myself - for anything - groceries, clothes, shoes whatever. I will go myself.

10. I have better taste in movies – seriously Night of the Living Dead – of any iteration is not great cinema.

11. He thinks he has better taste in cars. He is certainly more knowledgeable, but yellow cars still suck in my opinion.

12. He shares the remote control. I get the Food Network almost any time I want.

13.Being loved, adored and cherished is a gift.

Tuesday Tales: In which Kate is without Karl & the girlfriends plan a grilling.

Kate was spending the weekend alone. Karl was off with a group of his friends on a road trip to a Steelers game in Cinncinati. While she was enjoying her time alone and finally catching up with several friends Kate realized that life was changing for her. There used to be a time when she was home alone a lot, or conversely frantically keeping busy with board meetings, dinners out or visiting friends. Since she and Karl had become an item, Kate enjoyed having a man around and she was missing him now that he was out of town. This was the first time in months that they were not speaking to each other on a daily basis. Karl's refusal to get even cheap cell phone meant that there was radio silence between them. A cute kind of quirky thing of Karl's meant no contact.


During her marriage Kate and her husband rarely did things together and she was used to being a solo act, but lying in bed on Saturday evening, Kate thought, "I miss him. I really miss him. This is new." Kate realized that she was learning how to be part of a couple again, and now that she was paired up again, it meant something when Karl wasn't there to talk with and share moments.



"Three nights without contact, and I am going a little squirrely," thought Kate as she sat at her dining room table sorting through photographs. "I love that I have time to get through these pictures, but frankly, I'd rather be with Karl having a sip of scotch and watching a movie."


Kate's good friend Vania was over for dinner on Sunday evening and complained," I came over for dinner expecting to finally meet your Karl and you tell me he's at some football game in Cincinnati? Well, when am I going to meet this man?" To say she was disappointed would not be inaccurate. And indeed Kate had to find a way to introduce Karl to her dearest women friends, many of whom were busy single women. She and Vania sat over dinner plotting ways to introduce Karl to "the girls" "Just line him up at the front of the living room, and we'll grill him! " laughed Vania. She was only half kidding.


Vania and Kate's friend Lily had been there from the get-go when her Ex, who shall remain without a name, started the ball on the news that he wanted out of their marriage. Vania was glad Kate finally accepted the separation. Her Ex was not a happy man, nor was he Kate's type at all. She and Lily could never understand what it was that attracted Kate to this rude, condescending man. She would grill Karl all right, because as she and Lily had discussed endlessly, Kate had dealt with enough and deserved better. It seemed that Karl might be "the one" but not officially until the grilling session had taken place.

He'd better be ready for them.

One gets better and one is ended.... again.

This restructuring thing seems to be going very well. I'm learning how to be in a relationship again where everything seems to be normal. yeah normal. A man with a good sense of self who, I hafta tell ya is just wonderful to be with. We spend time together and never seem to tire of being together. Although I still like coming home to my own bed as much as I enjoy the occasional sleep over. It's all good. And it will be a year since our first date at the end of November. On that first date I managed to down four Tanqeray 10 martinis, and I've not accomplished that feat since then. FOUR! Martinis?:!?! WHO does that?


This just in - Rebel has broken up with the Loser Boyfriend. Again. I think it might stick this time. She has been cheating on him with an old friend. She says nothing has happened yet, but I think she's been looking for a reason to dump him. I'm lighting candles at church hoping the break up sticks this time. For good.


Rebel Junior has been busy at university. She seems to be enjoying her classes and working and reading all the time. I would appreciate her picking up after herself and for some reason, nothing sticks on that front. I am frustrated still and don't have a clue what to do with her.


The Beau and I spend a fair bit of time together and have been talking of living together. oy! We're only ten houses apart, but there are some nights when it would be nice to just head to bed together instead of one of us going home . But, his cats, my dog, my daughter at home, his hobby that takes a fair bit of space, plus deciding what to keep from two house one of which had a mom who is gone forever. NOT an easy one. How ever status quo doesn't seem to work for us either. No doubt, things will come together as they are supposed to. Life is short. We're enjoying each other and seem to be smitten.

13 on Thursday

13 Ways to Not agree to a proposal..... just yet

1. No not ready to get married again.
2. I said, no, not yet.
3. Not today darlin
4. Ummmmm I have to wash my hair
5. This week? I couldn't possibly be ready
6. I don't have a dress
7. See # 3 - again
8. I couldn't get married without my best friend being there and she's busy this week
9. Not in a month that has an R in it. Or is that just for lobster?
10. See #1 - again.
11. well... maybe, but not yet
12. where would we live?
13. eventually, but ... see #3

Gene Simmons cracks his head open and then gets married

For the longest time on this blog, I had one of Gene's Simmon's quotes about marriage on my blog - something about marriage leading to divorce. It was cynical.
Since then the Demon has surprised us. He finally married Shannon Tweed after a lot of crack yer head open stuff.

Now if more people were as committed - in spite of all the craziness that Shannon put up with, I do believe there would be fewer break ups in this world. What Gene Simmons did took guts. What they both did took guts, hard work, gut wrenching hard work.
Go ahead and watch the Marriage Boot Camp episode to see what I'm talking about. Good on them both.

While the XSU wasn't an adulterer on the scale that we all believe Gene to be, he is a head case, with his own little fantasies and issues to do with his father. I've always said, going way back to my first few blogs, a son who doesn't have a healthy loving relationship with his father is quite bluntly, fucked! They gotta understand it and get through it.

Good on you Gene. Good on you. That was an impressive and very tough thing you did. And that Shannon. Most women would not have put up with what she put up with. But she did. And her family is together, she has the commitment she needed, and let's hope they have a long happy loving trust-filled life together.

The rest of us should be so lucky. Me? I've now got a man in my life who had that warm loving relationship and I am just sorry I never knew the man. The Beau and his cousins tell great stories about his dad.

Therapy works. It's the answer to a lot of what ails people. Why do they have to be so damn stubborn and not feel the pain to get to the gain? Who knows. But we move on and are lucky enough to have a second chance. Which we accept and even grab with gusto.

So here's my toast to Gene and Shannon. I just LOVE that show!

13 on Thursday

Traveling with a man. 13 things before that happens!
1. The personal grooming. back at that again... bikini waxing, pedicure, cut and colour.
( This should also count for 2,3,4,5,6. But whatev
2. Decent undies. Gaining a tad of weight means shopping to ensure little things that fit the big thing behind me. roll eyes.
3. Can't hog the hotel vanity so must downsize on stuff. Just a little.
4. Change the password on the laptop. He won't be bringing his (doesn't own a laptop) and might want to call home. He doesn't need to know passwords. Yet. ( there are some things that remain personal)
5. PJs? Nightie? Both?
6. camera. We don't have any pictures of ourselves.
7 walking shoes. Hotel treadmill. ( sure Marie.... Sure....)
8. those mini single malt bottles. Been saving those for a rainy day and someone who appreciates them.
9. books to read. Regardless of who's in my bed. I still like to read.
10. GPS. I get lost. All the time. A good way to avoid potential disagreements. maybe
11. call a taxi to pick us up. He doesn't want to leave his precious little go kart at the park and fly. What ev And Rebel will have my car. Thank goodness for business travel and reimbursements for the $60 fare. if not more
12. a good sense of humour
13 flexibility can't be all my way this time...

Tuesday Tale: in which Kate & Karl are introduced

Kate and Karl had been "dating," if people their age did indeed date, for six months or so, when Kate informed Karl of a fundraising event she had to attend and wondered if he'd come with her.
"Of course Kate, I'd love to come with you," Karl responded ever so quickly when she asked.
"You'll have to wear a shirt with a collar and a tie," she noted.
"No!" Karl answered. "I haven't put on a tie since the day I retired. I hate them, I won't wear one."
"Listen Hon," he loved when she called him Hon, " it's formal, and a tie is a necessity. You really will need to wear one."
"Or what," he challenged.
"Or, very simply I will go without you. "
"You would do that?" he asked rather surprised by her answer.
Kate carefully told him, " Yes Karl, I will go with out you. A formal affair, is a formal affair, and the rest of the world might not care that you don't like ties, but if you're going with me, you have to put on a tie. Besides, a nice suit and tie, adds a couple of points to the package and can be.... exciting, if you know what I mean?"
She smiled at him in that way she had, and let the whole tie matter drop for the rest of the evening.
A couple of days passed and by the weekend, Kate figured she'd be going to the fundraiser without her man. As she walked along to Karl's place she thought about his stubbornness. It was legendary and frankly, she didn't think a tie was worth fighting about. But she believed in the dress code and this particular fundraised was practically black tie. She really wanted Karl to go with her, but if he wouldn't dress up, what could she do, expect go without him.

She arrived at Karl's and they made a bee line for his bedroom. It had been at least a week since they'd had time to make love and he ran with her up the stairs to the second floor. His touch was electric and she could barely contain herself as they tore their clothes off.
"Just give me a minute Hon," he whispered in her ear.
Kate lay down on the bed and waited not too patiently for Karl. Not more than a minute later he walked into the bedroom.
"All right," he said, "I'll wear the damn tie."
And indeed there was Karl. Wearing a lovely silky candy apple red striped tie and not a stitch else.

SHE`S ALIVE!!!!!!

Yes... I am AM alive and kickin and have been far too occupied with things around the home front. Including life with The Beau.... AKA VNN. I`ll be back shortly. Between travels to home and the east coast for school reunions, and a union trip next week.

Life is okay. I`m doing all right. Still maneuvering the new relationship and figuring that all out. More to come.

In the Meantime.

It's Friday. I had a Wordless ready on Wednesday, a 13 on Thursday but the laptop is defeating me, so I am using my other channels for getting info up for the short term. Thanks friend! (-;

And the relationship continues to grow. This restructuring thing is working quite nicely I have to say. It's a little disconcerting on some levels as we continue to get to know each other and enjoy each other's company. I find that every day I don't see him makes me pine away and I can barely stand it until we are together again. I KNOW!!! WHO KNEW??

I sometimes analyze this and wonder if maybe it's just a "first one" kind of thing. You know, the first one after the breakup - the rebound thing. But then I think, it can't be. The feelings are way too strong. But so quickly? And we really like each other; and can such strong feelings happen so quickly? I talk about it with the VNN and we both think that this "thing" means something. Then I have to step away, take a very deep breath, and say a day at a time. Just a day at a time. It's different this time. I am communicating differently,and handling myself differently. Also, he's not the XSU. In a big way not the XSU. So it has to be different.

In the meantime, I sneak around RJ the way I used to sneak around my mother. Because really, I can't have sleep overs with a teen in the house. And VNN gets that part very well. We pine. But we are "mature" and deal with these things.

RJ is pretty much busy in her last year of high school anyway and has no time for me most days. But when she does have time, I do have to stick around.
Rebel, is pretty busy diving again and coaching. She's totally in her element. I think her love for her sport is what will do in her relationship with the loser boyfriend. I can only hope.

So... I continue to restructure and things continue to move. I feel things are moving in the right direction. How lucky is that!? In the meantime, I am reading the "how to get your divorce done" books and filing in paperwork. Time to get that done too!

Leaving the cougar behind

There's something to be said for sharing food Tapas style. My favourite restaurant in my little town is a fabulous tapas bar where the menu and wine list change often. I love the place and have spent many hours there with many friends to the point that the manager knows me and greets me by name.

This past Sunday I had the best time ever with VNN. We went out for a movie and dinner. The King's Speech and tapas. I would have liked to have seen True Grit being the true blue Coen Brothers fan that I am but agreed to the Firth film and was not at all disappointed. Firth has finally left Mr Darcy in the dust.

Then it was tapas time. VNN had a wine flight with his share of the food. Red wine. Not my thing at all. Now interestingly, I could certainly smell the difference in the wines, but they all three tasted like..... red wine. He thought that was pretty funny, and couldn't understand how I couldn't tell the difference. It's a flaw no doubt. Oddly though, my scotch tasting palate is much more well defined, which he appreciates.

The intimacy of sharing plates of food and enjoying glasses of wine just made for a fabulously lovely evening. We shared food, talked, stole a kiss or two, held hands and just *really* enjoyed each other's company. I can totally feel myself starting to fall for this man. He has a presence and a style as well as an ability to just be in the moment with me. I am kind of overwhelmed by all that. And so totally not used to it at all.

And to think I wanted to date someone ten years younger than me. Well, there's certainly nothing wrong with being the "younger" woman instead of the cougar I thought I wanted to be. Nothing at all.

Doing the Epiphany

This past week I've seen the VNN a few times. He called and asked me to come over for tea one evening after dinner. We spent a couple of hours on the couch talking. It was just so very nice.

Yesterday I asked VNN to come over and keep me company as I was making soup for a staff retreat that I was hosting today. Again, it was quite lovely. I was quite comfortable with my glass of wine, chopping onions and cabbage for soup having him in my space. And again, we talked. A lot. He asked me a fair bit about the break up with XSU and I tried to give him the edited Readers Digest, noooo the Coles Notes version.

I told him, how frustrated I would get with XSU because he wouldn't talk to me and so I started breaking dishes to get his attention. "Wow," said VNN, "you must have been so hurt to do that."
"yep," I said, "that angry too, so getting me angry does this stuff to me." We talked a little more and then changed the subject and moved on.

Fast forward to today. Staff retreat at my house. We were following a process that is a little more based in psychology than business practice and whoa... I ended up having a rather major epiphany and had to actual get up and leave the session for a bit because of what was running through my head.

I realized that during my discussions with VNN about my anger, that part of what is going on with me now - the whole "doing" thing, the wanting to but not being quite there yet, had to do with my fear. The fear of being hurt again. And how, now that I recognize it, I can deal with it. I have the responsibility for my own feelings and needs and I can't put that on him at all. I can't ask him to promise me that he won't hurt me, of course not. But I can figure out how I can get past that, and take the leap. Now, he's not putting any pressure on me whatsoever. Never mind that he's taken me to heights of arousal I haven't felt in years, if ever, - and I mean seriously whew... but ... really... it's all good.

So, when I next head over to VNN's house - movie night - Saturday - after his daughter and her family have had pot roast with grandpa, I'll be able to have this out there and be able to deal with it a whole lot better. Though given what I have already learned about this man, he's probably three steps ahead of me on this one.

Not doing the do yet, but at least I understand what those voices are in the back of my head that are causing me trepidation.

The doing in the dating

Looks like this girl might be back in some game. The big date went very well. It was dinner a lot of talk and a lot of ummmm good old fashioned kissing. Intense it was. And very satisfying. The Very Nice Neighbour, AKA VNN formerly known as the Widower ( yes Blondie name change seemed appropriate) neighbour, and I seem to be hitting it off. Well.

We are now in email mode. I find I like flirting via email a whole lot more than I do in real life. You do lose the sashaying about, and the batting the eyes thing, but it works for me.

Going into French class at 7:45 AM today, one of my work friends asked about my date. I am pretty sure the stupid silly grin on my face gave me away... and she exclaimed " OMG!! did you *DO* him already!?!" I spewed my coffee and had to laugh. Really want to, but not going there just yet.

But to back track, the man googled me! And I have to tell you, it's embarrassing because there are at least ten pages of stuff about me, and my brother doesn't turn up until about page 12! And what surprised me not just that he was impressed, but had some very nice things to say about some of the stuff I have myself involved in.

I can't help but make comparisons to the XSU - I mean really, what else have I got? And the bottom line? There are NO comparisons to be made made. None.

So... I've been walking around with a silly grin on my face and heading out post date night for evening tea and enjoying this lovely surprise in my life.

NASCAR WRAP UP

I had a GREAT time in the Finger Lakes region of New York state. My goodness it's pretty down there. And the race track at Watkins Glen is surrounded by the rolling hills and lakes and some amazing wine country. The weather was perfect. Okay..... a little hot, but I plastered on the SPF 60 and didn't even turn the slightest shade of red at all.

Both races - one Saturday and one Sunday were great fun and exciting. A couple of crashes - a bunch of caution flags. Even with my not so great little Canon camera I got some good images and even video. If you're my friend on FB - turn the volume up on your speakers and you'll get an idea of how loud it is when those cars zoom zoom by. I am so hooked. I am ready to go to Montreal - for the race at the end of August. Really. That's an easy day trip too. I am going to check out the ticket prices as soon as I finish this blog entry.

I had half a mind to call RJ while at the track - she's down in Nova Scotia now with her dad - I wanted to tell her to put the phone to her dad's ear as the cars thundered by around the straight away, but figured - why rub it in. XSU would only tell me one of a couple of things: 1- what a waste of my money, and/or 2 - he'd rather watch the race on tv than live. Seriously.

I'll never forget when I was doing the divorce busting thing and working in the private sector. I managed to score some Canadiens tickets at the old Forum. This was big. Getting seats in the Forum is always next to impossible. But I got them.We took the girls and went to Montreal for the weekend after he said at least once he didn't want to go. I think Lily was on stand by for that one. I owe her a trip now I guess. Lily? Montreal at the end of August if you're not on a bike killing yourself on some trail run??? Rather than accepting the tickets and enjoying the weekend, he made sure to tell me more than once that watching the game on tv was better. What else can you do with someone like that EXCEPT leave.

All in all a good time was had by all at *The Glen.* There was even some shopping involved at the local Target store along the way home in Ithaca. Jets were in training in the next town over, so I gather American foot ball season will be starting soon. The town was all over that stuff. Meanwhile we up here in the north are about half way through football season and I am trying to score tickets to the Grey Cup game. ( yeah that should be easy)

AS we were driving home - about 4 hours or so away, I got a call from Rebel wondering when I'd get home. She was at the hospital for some annual tests and didn't have money or bus tickets to get home and of course the car her father gave her was being driven by the loser BF. AND he couldn't pick her up either because he didn't have money to pay for his cell. ANd because all her friends are total losers and she is the only one with a vehicle and license none of her friends could help her. I was really enjoying how adult she claims to be yet I get a call at least every second or third day looking for me to save her. I bite my tongue and say NOTHING about her bf or her lack for foresight. NOT saving her much any longer. NOT my problem at all.

Now... Blondie - don't forget to take a parka and boots. You're heading to Alaska. You'll need that protection from the horse and deer flies and mosquitos! And night eye mask. The sun is constant. Don't foget the shades.

Sunday Snippetts

Happy 4th of July to my legions of American readers! Hope you're all having a wonderful carefree holiday.
I love visiting your country. Nothing like Target, Nordstrom's, and really great hot dogs at the ball park to allow a girl to enjoy "foreign culture!"

I have a cold and feel miserable today. I am sure I'll get over it. The coughing and stuffed nose are more than I can put up with on a hot hot day, So I am watching this bizarre Christopher Walking Brendan Fraser movie about a family that lived in some kind of bunker because they thought there was some nuclear blast. Brendan Fraser comes out of the bunker at age 35 and hits the modern world ... very back to the future but not as good.

Had a good day with Rebel Junior and two of her friends at the beach yesterday. Went up to the church camp and have to admit that knowing my camp cooking days are done made me more than a little wistful. The memories of all the kids and parents hanging out playing capture the flag, having the crazy Olympics and great bonfires brought the point home - the kids are growing up. We gave them some great memories and I am happy about that. It doesn't look like anyone is taking over camp from us. No one stepped up so no camp this year. sigh... I really loved camp. There is talk of getting together for a reunion weekend - will see if we can arrange something this summer.

Rebel has moved most of her stuff to the Loser BF's place - some where on the other side of the river. We dropped her off yesterday on the way to the lake but she wouldn't let me take her to the door. Seriously. I don't know where she lives. Not sure how long this will last.

The Loser BF came by on Friday evening to pick up some stuff from the garage. I asked him when the car would leave my garage - not his mustang but another car he bought and then did nothing about it. I reminded him that he told me a month ago it would be gone in a week, and it's still taking up space. I told him he had a few more days before I had it towed to his father's house. HA! That set him off. I think he muttered something about being psycho....

XSU is off to visit his family for 6 weeks and leaving his house unattended. I am hoping that RJ has a key and plans to party there when she's claiming she 's sleeping over at a friends. Apparently RJ is being flown to meet him there when she's done summer school, but as usual, I have no details. I will have to get on his case tomorrow to find out what his plans are. I am not sure he actually has plans.

I am off to go get a Neo Citran and more orange juice and ColdFX.
Whew it's hot outside.

Living through a lot but yet not enough.

I bought a desk for the basement but it's not down there yet because I need to have some furniture come out of there. A couch and a futon frame. Rebel's BF kept telling me he'd do it, and then never did. What else is new - so I have to find some guys to give me a hand.

I was all set to take the girls out for dinner this evening. RJ deigned to come by to pick some stuff up from the house and I haven't done much grocery shopping because Rebel doesn't eat much of what I cook, so I buy in small quantities.

So as we were getting ready to go out for dinner I am standing beside the desk that should be in the basement but it's in my living room and Rebel pushed me out of the way - no sorry, no excuse me, nothing - and goes on about how I need to stay out of her way if we're going to leave the house. And why was the desk in the front room and on she went. As she talked and was ruder and ruder I decided WTF? and I am going to pay for dinner out?!

And I asked the question - "so why would I pay for dinner out after listening to this?" And on and on she went and ya know.. and you do know because y'all keep telling me, the girl has no respect or regard for me at all. None. And RJ started in sort of but even she isn't keen on this. I told RJ I'd take her back to her dad's place and we'd go for dinner another time. I don't have to put up with the stuff being thrown at me. It's not right. I am so tired of the disrespect and regard for MY feelings that I just decided FORGET it! RJ too made a crack about why she is staying at her dad's - the tension between the one who wants to be an adult but acts like a spoiled 14 year old and the mother is too wearing on her. I can't say I blame her frankly, even if she has princess tendencies.

I came back from driving RJ to the XSU's house and Rebel had the gall to ask me to use my car again. I told her that I get anxious when she takes my car on a week night and isn't back until late. I wanted her to be home before midnight.

Her response - "I 'm 22 years old, I am an adult and I shouldn't have to be coming home at your convenience as if I had a curfew so take an ativan and leave me alone."

Again, I asked her - very politely I think - no yelling on my part for a change - to look at it from my perspective - it's my car which I am allowing her to use; I don't sleep well during the week when she is out in my car and I believe there needs to be some regard for what I want. Her response was she deserved respect and until I gave her respect-forget it. She does not get it. at all.

I kept the car keys and told her to have her BF come and pick her up to move her stuff to his place. That should be entertaining - apparently he's downgraded his ride from the '96 Mustang to a Canadian Tire special bicycle so unless it's a bike built for two with a big basket on the handles bars, I won't be seeing a lot of action that way.

So of course the place has the tranquility of a war zone for now but I can't keep backing down. Her rude nasty tone is shocking to me as her mother. I have not ever played the "who was there for you at the hospital every freaking day you were there" card, because I know she knows. Guilt isn't going to do it. Not going to go there even if her BF continues that line.

Nope, she will now become dependent on her BF - for whatever good that does. She will leave and take her yappy dog with her and perhaps I will finally get some peace. I will also change the locks on the door when she does go because I can't have her coming in here when I am not around. That just won't be on.

Yes, she did get through a horrible time, but damn it so did I! I lived through it right with her and then had to deal with all the crap with her idiot BF AND the XSU at the same time. And really, that's none of her business and she won't get that until she is older. Much older. Until she does, I guess we're not going to be very mother daughter-ish.

sigh..... it's come to this. Not happy - but as her mother, I am not handing out the respect card until it's earned. This 22 year old , has lived through a lot. But apparently it's still not enough for her to understand what's really important and get over her selfishness.

Sighes and leaving the nest

Rebel is once again moving in with the BF of hers on the other side of the river. What it comes down to with her is she doesn't want to be in my house - or her father's house, she just wants to be independent and not have to follow anyone's rules but her own.

I get that, having done it myself albeit before I was 22 and going to grad school in another city. I too recall wanting to move into an apartment with a girlfriend only to have BOTH my mother and grandma on my case asking me about bills, furniture, school and forcing me to cave to their demands. I can still hear the two of them - one on either side of me grilling me on my lack of thought, on how was I going to study. It was a conversation in Ukrainian that went something like this:

"Ma - you know what she wants to do? She wants to leave home and go live in an apartment!"
and grandma responds -
"An apartment? Why? what are you doing you don't want your mother to know about eh?"
"Nothing Baba - I want to get out on my own that's all."
"Go ahead ma, ask her how she's going to pay rent and utilities?"
"Nu Marie, how are you going to pay the rent? you go to university. You have to study."
"I work already two nights a week I'll just work on weekends too."
"Weekends? You go to church on Sunday, and you have to study. You're going to work now? OY!"
"That's right ma, she wants her independence. How much rent are you going to pay? You want independence, I'll give you independence. I'll charge you rent and you can have your independence, how's that."
" Good idea Marushka. Charge your own daughter rent and she can live here and be independent."
"It's not the same mom, and you know it. Just because you lived at home until you got married doesn't mean I am going to do that too."
"OF COURSE your mother lived at home. Where else do nice girls live? Downtown? in apartments? What's wrong with you child, don't you know nice girls don't live in apartments."

On and on they went til they wore me down. Okay, I am not that ancient that nice girls didn't live in apartments. But even then I had a union job part time, a decent room mate and it would have been walking distance to university downtown. But no go. And right she was - it would have been difficult but then again who knows how things would have worked. I just couldn't disobey my mother at that point. I NEVER spoke to my mother the way my daughters speak to me. NOT ever. Two year later though, I was off to the east coast for more university and had my independence.

But my Rebel girl isn't there yet. Her BF, the useless, loser, lying, jackass, has no job and does work for cash while he waits for his so-called "union" job which I am quite sure is more bull cacky than a bull produces in a month. I do not see how he can possibly afford Rebel AND her dog.

I listened in on a conversation Rebel had with her Dad, ( eavesdropping is not a crime when your children are involved so don't judge me!) and I have to admit, it appears he is finally growing balls when it comes to dealing with her and BF. He finally told her again he wants her to live at his place while he's gone to visit his parents. He knows if she moves in the BF will follow, but I said to him, what do you care as long as he is not there when you get back, what are you going to do about that. At least he might cut the lawn while you're gone!

He also point blank asked her what her BF is doing for a job to support her and I don't think she really did have a good answer. In talking with someone who Rebel trusts, she told me that really - deep down Rebel knows her BF is a useless,loser, lying, jackass and she will only take so much more before she is done.

She says because Rebel has lived a pretty cushy life and has had whatever she wants, heart transplant notwithstanding, she will NOT like living with BF who has no cash to spare, who has no understanding for anything intellectual has no ambition and she will tire of it. The cracks are there. So I will need to back off. And hope that in the process, he doesn't do her too much damage. I believe she worries about being alone, about not finding anyone and he reinforces this. Not much I can do except tell her she can return home anytime,( with certain guidelines that must be respected).

In the meantime, I have to go and pick up the mess she left behind in my rec room and her bedroom. sigh.... not the way I would like to move on and have her leave the nest, but leave the nest she has..... again.

Yeah.. they grew apart

No surprise eh? They "grew apart" is always code for "someone is screwing around!"
Even though it is The Star, there is probably a little truth to this juicy scandal in the making.
Et tu Al?

AS IF! Here's a Sunday Snippet For Ya!

Someone smack me if you even hear a WHISPER that I might just decide to go this route. I can't imagine it happening but apparently it's not as uncommon as some would think. Seriously, just take me aside and have a nice loooooong talk with me and make me re read every blog post from the beginning of time!
Dating your ex again

Clean sweep

I have been remiss in getting to the church for nearly a year now. After XSU finally left I found that by the time Sundays rolled around I just didn't want to leave the house for the 40 minute drive to the one Ukrainian Catholic church in the city. I'd end up at the Roman church five minutes away and it was all right, but not really doing it for me. And yet the struggle to get out the door on Sunday was just too much. One liturgy at 11:30 AM meant I wasn't home until nearly 1:30 or 2 PM depending on coffee hour, council chat.

I am thinking it's time to get back to basics and remember why I need to be there - lousy pastor, long drive notwithstanding. The pastor is so not good with people that at times it's all bit formulaic. However the friends and community there are ever so supportive and were wonderful during Rebel's illness and hospital stay. I found my own rhythm in that and found the need for spiritual guidance to be critical in my sanity and her health.

Then there is the deal with my two very independent daughters who insist on doing things their own way - we parents pay for teaching independence - I need to let them go and figure it out for themselves. Yet, I need to hang around for when when they rebound back.

Rebel is seriously annoyed with me when I finally booted her BF out for good this week. For some reason I am being seen as the intolerant one even though this "man" has been freeloading for the last 6 months. Full freeloading time in the last three years is probably closer to 18 months. When I suggested to him that he didn't even supply his own toothpaste, shampoo or laundry soap any time he spent all I heard back was "I fixed your car, I clean your house." sigh... In the end Rebel has decided I am the enemy and she is going to try and live with him. Again. XSU and I have had a couple of emails going back and forth on this one. He's even way more upset about this than I am. Not sure how he plans to handle it - Could he perhaps pul-eeeease tell her she is welcome to live at his place?

Then there's Rebel Junior, who called me today asking me to turn her phone back on because she was going to a party and needed to make calls. When I suggested that most houses did still have land lines I could hear the panic in her voice and the quick sucking in of breath.
"No one goes to people's houses and use their house phones!" she hissed at me.
"Well, I guess you can start a new trend," I told her.
She then told me that "next time" she was not going to clean my house!

First of all, what is it with this crew and their house cleaning fixations? I for one, am not too concerned, so why are they all worried about cleaning my house? I don't think it's THAT bad, well, except my bedroom and spare room, which no one has to see if they're on the main floor. These people have to relax a little bit. I know I certainly have!

I had to remind RJ that the only reason she was "cleaning" was because she was busy lying to me and her father about throwing yet another party in my absence and frankly, if there was any cleaning to be done, perhaps a better job of post party cleaning would have meant I could have been fooled and she'd still have access to her precious blackberry texting capabilities.

She told me to have a nice weekend and then hung up the land line at her father's place.

I think I'll go clean my house now, since all the volunteers have up and absconded. Clean and quiet. I think I'll like that as I contemplate my Sunday activities.

Is he really going to leave town?

It looks like Rebel's BF is skipping town. He's decided that the grass might be greener on the other side. Who am I to tell him that it will still need cutting. He's going. I first heard this from Rebel's BFF. She whispered it to me while Rebel was out of the room. This morning, she informed me that he's heading west. Can you see me doing a very happy dance? She's also known for some time and has thought things through.

He has a car in my garage. She is going to sell it and keep the money for herself.
He's got a lot of his belongings in my garage around the car. She is getting rid of all of it and keeping the money. She knows her rights on cohabiting and has informed him that's what his is hers and good luck if he thinks she'll hand over anything she deems is hers. Oh she is baaaaack with a vengeance. This lad of 31 years (seriously! 31!) doesn't stand a chance around her dance. It's a pleasure to watch.

If I read her right, and I am not sure I do, I sense relief in her. I think she couldn't find a way to extricate herself out of this relationship and now, he is doing it for her. Oh happy day!

Now, she is going to drive out west with him. It will be interesting to see if she stops in Winnipeg to visit the fam with him. I wonder what she'll do? I am not going to suggest or push anything that might make her think twice about coming home. As it is HIS father is buying her an airplane ticket to come home. She wants to go to school here next year so she's not planning on leaving any time soon. Will see how this whole trip goes. The lad has no clue about geography and doesn't realize it takes practically three days to get out of Ontario let alone make it all the way to cowboy country!

I will be quietly elated.

Slowleeee slowleee... we used to say. Not in this context but it works nonetheless.

RebelJunior comes home on Wednesday. She has her summer all planned out. J-O-B doesn't seem to be a part of her plans. I am not going to get into an email conversation with her on this front, but will advise her that this single mother cannot afford to pay her university without some contributions, nor will I afford her clothing style. She is on her own, unless her father chooses to pick up her expensive tab, and lately, he's been whining at Rebel about not having any cash on hand. WhatEV... not my problem.

I owed tax money this year. First time ever. Damn separation. On the positive side of this - better $200 extra dollars than a spousal unit who is disengaged and costing me more than a few dollars, eh?