Moving on .

I've been blogging for a few years now. Sometimes sporadically sometimes daily, but almost regularly. I have finally separated from XSU and starting to live a new life on my own. The original blog helped me get through the painful process of the end of the marriage, along with some bumpy roads dealing with a critically ill child in the midst of the end of marriage mess. Now this blog will see me through the new paths and adventures that life has to offer. Restructuring my life. My way. My experiences, ventings, musings on that whole big and not so big deal.

June 29, 2010

Living through a lot but yet not enough.

I bought a desk for the basement but it's not down there yet because I need to have some furniture come out of there. A couch and a futon frame. Rebel's BF kept telling me he'd do it, and then never did. What else is new - so I have to find some guys to give me a hand.

I was all set to take the girls out for dinner this evening. RJ deigned to come by to pick some stuff up from the house and I haven't done much grocery shopping because Rebel doesn't eat much of what I cook, so I buy in small quantities.

So as we were getting ready to go out for dinner I am standing beside the desk that should be in the basement but it's in my living room and Rebel pushed me out of the way - no sorry, no excuse me, nothing - and goes on about how I need to stay out of her way if we're going to leave the house. And why was the desk in the front room and on she went. As she talked and was ruder and ruder I decided WTF? and I am going to pay for dinner out?!

And I asked the question - "so why would I pay for dinner out after listening to this?" And on and on she went and ya know.. and you do know because y'all keep telling me, the girl has no respect or regard for me at all. None. And RJ started in sort of but even she isn't keen on this. I told RJ I'd take her back to her dad's place and we'd go for dinner another time. I don't have to put up with the stuff being thrown at me. It's not right. I am so tired of the disrespect and regard for MY feelings that I just decided FORGET it! RJ too made a crack about why she is staying at her dad's - the tension between the one who wants to be an adult but acts like a spoiled 14 year old and the mother is too wearing on her. I can't say I blame her frankly, even if she has princess tendencies.

I came back from driving RJ to the XSU's house and Rebel had the gall to ask me to use my car again. I told her that I get anxious when she takes my car on a week night and isn't back until late. I wanted her to be home before midnight.

Her response - "I 'm 22 years old, I am an adult and I shouldn't have to be coming home at your convenience as if I had a curfew so take an ativan and leave me alone."

Again, I asked her - very politely I think - no yelling on my part for a change - to look at it from my perspective - it's my car which I am allowing her to use; I don't sleep well during the week when she is out in my car and I believe there needs to be some regard for what I want. Her response was she deserved respect and until I gave her respect-forget it. She does not get it. at all.

I kept the car keys and told her to have her BF come and pick her up to move her stuff to his place. That should be entertaining - apparently he's downgraded his ride from the '96 Mustang to a Canadian Tire special bicycle so unless it's a bike built for two with a big basket on the handles bars, I won't be seeing a lot of action that way.

So of course the place has the tranquility of a war zone for now but I can't keep backing down. Her rude nasty tone is shocking to me as her mother. I have not ever played the "who was there for you at the hospital every freaking day you were there" card, because I know she knows. Guilt isn't going to do it. Not going to go there even if her BF continues that line.

Nope, she will now become dependent on her BF - for whatever good that does. She will leave and take her yappy dog with her and perhaps I will finally get some peace. I will also change the locks on the door when she does go because I can't have her coming in here when I am not around. That just won't be on.

Yes, she did get through a horrible time, but damn it so did I! I lived through it right with her and then had to deal with all the crap with her idiot BF AND the XSU at the same time. And really, that's none of her business and she won't get that until she is older. Much older. Until she does, I guess we're not going to be very mother daughter-ish.

sigh..... it's come to this. Not happy - but as her mother, I am not handing out the respect card until it's earned. This 22 year old , has lived through a lot. But apparently it's still not enough for her to understand what's really important and get over her selfishness.


Rudy said...

I hear ya! It was tough and I can't say I didn't lose something in the deal but enough is enough.

And yes, I did change the locks. Do it! No respect, no trust.

It sucks, I won't kid you, it really does. There are positives though. Worth it. would do it again.

the daughter is too much like her mom. The boy is great but even he needs a kick in the butt once in a while.

Hang in there. If RJ thinks its so great at dad's, then stay there. R wants to be treated like an adult, come back when you are one. Don't like the rules about my car, get in yours and drive over to your bf house and show how much of an adult you are.

Lily on the Road said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lily on the Road said...

ooopsss that was me!

I concur Rudy.

Locks get changed, (happened to me, you grow up real fast when faced with that).

It may take a long time for her to get over her pity party and you know what? Second chances don't come easy....honestly, let her pay her own meds, etc......even though you feel guilty, get over it! She is 22 and needs a reality check.

Anonymous said...

Sigh. My poor dear Marie. I know this has got to be wrenching for you. You are doing the right thing by forcing her to stand on her own two feet. Changing the locks will be a hard lesson to swallow for her but she will get over it in time.

We love you, girlfriend. We are here as you go through this rough transition. Lean on us when you need to.

prayers, love and hugs,
~ b