Fuzziness and yellow tans

Whew....it's hot out there over 100 with the humidex and UV at 10! And it's going to be there all week. And it would be the first year I'm not at camp. The last couple of years I swear we were wearing parkas at night it was so cold and this year.... hot hot hot. ah well.

So I am working on my white legs. If I could liposuction and change anything about me besides the never ending acne or the two missing teeth it would be my legs. I have fat knees. And whiteness.

Did I mention I am also covered in little red dots and moles? ( gads you'd think I was the witch from Hansel and Gretel or something!) so as I douse myself in SPF 80 sun screen my little Rebel Junior is practically slathering herself in butter and frying outside. She compares herself and her sister to me and the grandmoms - I got your figure and Rebel has dad's upper body and grandma's skinny legs. I have bigger boobs than you - it's true she does - and everyone says Rebel looks like you... I have your crooked big toe.

So I told them both to take a good look and they'll see themselves in 30 or 40 years. They shudder, laugh hysterically and then go back to texting on their cell phones.

Back to the white legs. So all to say I don't sit outside and tan any more but I am forever looking for the goopy tan in a bottle. Why is it that the first time every season I put the stuff on, I end up with these patchy yellowy jaundiced looking hands rather than nice golden legs? Tonight as I sat on the phone yakking with a friend from camp days - our "director" - I looked in mortification wondering if the rest of the world noticed my yellowness. Is yellowness better than white legs that scream "she never leaves the house to do anything out of doors!"? ummm yes... it is.
I just have to find the right goopy tan in a bottle. Clearly I am not there yet. I do know that the cheaper the bottle the goopier and more yellow things are. That is not a good thing.

Somehow I just got roped into paying for Rebel Junior's plane trip to Nova Scotia. one way. She'll be coming back with XSU. Now why isn't he paying for this? I think I traded something but the Neo Citran and scotch must be fuzzing things out. More on this one another time. AS long as she is out of the city when I get away for the weekend.