Restructuring and Rebuilding. A Review.

I am off work this week. And it's gonna be HOT and HUMID all week long. I have a bunch of errands to run this week - dog to the vet, passport renewal, RJ wants to see an exhibit at the Art Gallery, moving some stuff around, more picture hanging - drilling holes in walls, etc. It's going to be a good week.

We went to the beach yesterday. It was a perfect day. Not a cloud in the sky and a little cooler than the city.

I started to read the second Larson book - not sure I am going to read it - I really don't like that violent suspense filled tension and creepy stuff. Much prefer a good murder police procedural.

Did I mention I made strawberry jam last weekend? I haven't made jam in years because we were always going to camp when strawberries were at their peak. I was downtown in the Market last weekend and there were some really luscious Quebec berries so I bought a large flat and made about 12 quarts of jam. Already gave away two. It's sweet but oh so yummy. We've been eating strawberry shortcake all week too.



I got through the wedding anniversary date. I completely forgot until two days later. I guess that's progress. I also didn't remember the day XSU left. I still get angry about that day, but it's tempered quite a bit now. I do tell the story whenever I can, particularly to people who know the XSU, petty I suspect but it's therapy.

CBC Radio has been playing an excellent excellent documentary series about divorce. Five hours all together in thirty minute shows. And this is public readio folks - no commercials. It discussed everything from initial break up, adultery, feelings and emotions, the immigrant experience ( oy!) children of divorce, and more. It was very informative. They can't put it into a podcast because of the music they used (not good thinking, but that's a quibble) The series is called ASUNDER. I highly recommend listening. ( for some reason again Blogger isn't highlighting the word ASUNDER the link is embedded - go for it) There are a variety of experiences, kids and adult children talk about their parents break up, the tumultuous variety of emotions, and some serious bad behavior was worth it. There will be something in this series for anyone who has gone through this. I was able to relate to some segments quite well, and some moments that made me think, thank goodness my experience wasn't *that* bad! There are some really wacky, nasty people out there. Makes my idea of revenge or vengeance look like amateur hour.

It appears I am restruturing not too badly.

Clean sweep

I have been remiss in getting to the church for nearly a year now. After XSU finally left I found that by the time Sundays rolled around I just didn't want to leave the house for the 40 minute drive to the one Ukrainian Catholic church in the city. I'd end up at the Roman church five minutes away and it was all right, but not really doing it for me. And yet the struggle to get out the door on Sunday was just too much. One liturgy at 11:30 AM meant I wasn't home until nearly 1:30 or 2 PM depending on coffee hour, council chat.

I am thinking it's time to get back to basics and remember why I need to be there - lousy pastor, long drive notwithstanding. The pastor is so not good with people that at times it's all bit formulaic. However the friends and community there are ever so supportive and were wonderful during Rebel's illness and hospital stay. I found my own rhythm in that and found the need for spiritual guidance to be critical in my sanity and her health.

Then there is the deal with my two very independent daughters who insist on doing things their own way - we parents pay for teaching independence - I need to let them go and figure it out for themselves. Yet, I need to hang around for when when they rebound back.

Rebel is seriously annoyed with me when I finally booted her BF out for good this week. For some reason I am being seen as the intolerant one even though this "man" has been freeloading for the last 6 months. Full freeloading time in the last three years is probably closer to 18 months. When I suggested to him that he didn't even supply his own toothpaste, shampoo or laundry soap any time he spent all I heard back was "I fixed your car, I clean your house." sigh... In the end Rebel has decided I am the enemy and she is going to try and live with him. Again. XSU and I have had a couple of emails going back and forth on this one. He's even way more upset about this than I am. Not sure how he plans to handle it - Could he perhaps pul-eeeease tell her she is welcome to live at his place?

Then there's Rebel Junior, who called me today asking me to turn her phone back on because she was going to a party and needed to make calls. When I suggested that most houses did still have land lines I could hear the panic in her voice and the quick sucking in of breath.
"No one goes to people's houses and use their house phones!" she hissed at me.
"Well, I guess you can start a new trend," I told her.
She then told me that "next time" she was not going to clean my house!

First of all, what is it with this crew and their house cleaning fixations? I for one, am not too concerned, so why are they all worried about cleaning my house? I don't think it's THAT bad, well, except my bedroom and spare room, which no one has to see if they're on the main floor. These people have to relax a little bit. I know I certainly have!

I had to remind RJ that the only reason she was "cleaning" was because she was busy lying to me and her father about throwing yet another party in my absence and frankly, if there was any cleaning to be done, perhaps a better job of post party cleaning would have meant I could have been fooled and she'd still have access to her precious blackberry texting capabilities.

She told me to have a nice weekend and then hung up the land line at her father's place.

I think I'll go clean my house now, since all the volunteers have up and absconded. Clean and quiet. I think I'll like that as I contemplate my Sunday activities.

More Sex and Lies... and coulda used the video tape!

I have returned from Edmonton. I had a great time at my conference. I always do. Lots of stuff going on causing great consternation before the annual general meeting meant that I spent some time running around organizing resolutions, finding out who would support the issues and pretty much rabble rousing.

Rebel Junior threw another party while I was gone, after I asked XSU to SPECIFICALLY keep tabs on her. "Oh I will, don't worry. She is going to Jamie's but I will swing by your place just in case." Yeah... a lot of good his swing was. It's never been good. And Rebel seemed to not be around all of a sudden while this partying was going on right under her nose.

RJ managed to con her dad to get her a Blackberry phone. seriously! I am not paying for it. Another whole story. But guess what? He agreed with me - really - he did! that RJ's phone should be blocked for a while. So her phone is turned off for at least a week or three. I am sure she'll be going through withdrawal even before I finish this blog entry.

Rebel had the boyfriend back in the house. I was not impressed but expected this. I figured he'd be around while I was out of town, but enough already! I asked him when he was leaving and he looked over at Rebel. Argument ensued when I stated that unless Rebel was paying the mortgage - looking at her wasn't going to do him any good, and at what time would he be leaving this evening? I stood over him with Rebel telling me to leave her room, while I stared down this idiot.

Good thing I spent a lot of money on new shoes while I was at my conference. In four days I had a mere two hours for recreational retail therapy and I used it well! What would a trip out of town be without a little shopping. We found a shoe store to end all shoe stores. I swear half the women at the conference must have stopped in. I bought two GORGEOUS pairs of shoes as did my room mate from BC. We both pranced around our hotel room in our new shoes admiring our skill at sussing out shoes at full price instead of the sale rack stuff. yeah.... full price, for shoes made some where other than China... France to be specific... I think I have money for the mortgage and maybe the electrical bill and a little gas for my car this month, given what I paid for these shoes. Leather like butter -and the sassiest pair of little summer peek-a-boo pumps. It's my outlet for no sex. shoes. While sex is a whole lot cheaper (but is it?), and quite probably over rated, the shoes will last a whole lot longer and probably give me a whole lot more pleasure. I pant even as I edit the photos

and no.... my toes are not squished into the shoes - I just have this toe that is crooked. My mom had the same thing, and so does Rebel.

Sunday Snippets

Rebel Junior is back. She had a wonderful time away. Of COURSE she did. But she wasn't back 24 hours and my kitchen looked like a hurricane had struck. She's on a crepe kick. We've had crepes every day since she got back. Now if I could just get her to clean up after herself.

Rebel hasn't made plans for her dog while she drives west with her BF. She knows I am not going to look after the dog. Not sure what her plan is or if she even has one.

It was RJs birthday on Friday. We went out for dinner. At one point I said something about Rebel dating other guys. I told her how I wanted to set her up with the painter who did my house. He has the same name as XSU - Brent. Rebel said she nearly dated a guy in high school named Brent but couldn't do it. "It doesn't feel right to go out with someone who's name is the same as my dad's" XSU piped up and said "too bad my name isn't James." Her current BF is James. Rebel was not impressed. I nearly spewed my beer. I have to admit. It was a good line. The BF was not invited to our little family party.

Apparently XSU is planning on spending the entire summer at his parents place out east. I suggested that Rebel move in to house sit at his house. He ignored that one.

He's finally agreed that RJ needs a job. I can only hope she gets one. I've told both girls I am cutting back on stuff for them. (but not for me) I see an iphone in my future. In time for my birthday.

I am almost at the point where I think it would be better for me if both girls went to live with XSU. I could use the peace and he could use their disruption and lack of respect for a while. I would like to come home to a quiet house and no surprises for a change. I am sure he's cringing at the thought of either one or both girls living with him. For the amount I'd have to pay him a month, it would be so worth it.

Easter Sunday Post Mortem & Easter Monday rabble rousing

I am feeling very superior today. I am NUMBER ONE! on the Bejeweled Leader Board in my circle of Facebook friends. I am 3,000 points shy of 400,000! The next nearest friend is at 301,760. For a very short time I will RULE. Then Tuesday - we start all over again. Bragging rights til then.

We had a lovely day yesterday. Rebel and I were at a friend's for Easter brunch. For once, I had a designated driver and was able to imbibe in the sparkling chardonnay with impunity. Yes. I lushed it. On Easter Sunday. It was a lovely way to spend mid day.

It was an all girl brunch. Veronica also invited another friend and daughter. This daughter works as a social worker, something our Rebel is interested in and the daughter was most encouraging and helpful in talking about her work and education with Rebel. Fantastic. She talked most positively about her career choice and why she loved it. Rebel listened quite intently.

During the evening, the BF showed up. Apparently he drank too much somewhere and Rebel didn't want him driving. He stayed the night and was supposed to be up for work this morning. I heard the alarm go off but I didn't hear him leave. Roll eyes. And at 2 PM when I returned from running errands, he was STILL in the house. WTF?! Like a bad penny that lad keeps turning up. Rebel has school today and left and the BF trailed out as well. He knows better than to remain in my presence. I really am quite the Witch with a BEE around that man. It just seems to come naturally - Easter good will feelings notwithstanding. But he pulled a fast one. Again.

Even though BF told Rebel the shop was closed and he didn't have to work, I thought I'd check out that story. I called the shop - after dialing *67 to block my number - no surprise no. 1 - They were open. I asked to speak with the BF and was told he wasn't in. I asked if he had been expected in and no surprise no. 2 - of course he was expected to work! The lad is gonna get his ass kicked - by the boss and by the Rebel.

Now, how to relay the lie to the girl without getting myself hurt in the process given the ole shoot the messenger problem?

Simple - I called XSU - told him the story. Let her shoot him instead.

It's all drama

A woman is alone at home. We arrive on the scene as she watches her daughter leave the house . The daughter is going to her dad's place. In her mother's car, of course.

The woman picks up the phone and dials a number. As she waits for a response to her call, she checks out the freezer for something to eat. Cherry perogies. oh YUM.

"Oh hi, it's me. " She always says "it's me" rather than "It's Marie". It's just odd. She doesn't know if he has caller ID or not but doesn't care. He knows who "me" is.

" I would like Rebel to live with you for a while. I am tired of her boyfriend, her dog and her frankly! "

"How long would a little while be," he responds. She takes the phone from her ear, gives it WTF look, takes a deep breath and tries to respond civilly. She then takes a sip of the Dalwhinnie out of her special crystal whiskey glass - fortitude.

"I really don't know. All I know is that I need a break. I'm having a very tough time getting any respect. I feel like I am living with a bad college room mate who can't be bothered doing much of anything . Never mind her dog and her boyfriend. It's just too much."

"Well, says the man on the other end of the phone, " I suppose she can come here. How soon? My place isn't very big. I don't know if I could let her stay here for very long."

Time for another WTF look at the phone. Deep breath. Zen. Stay calm. Another bigger sip of whiskey!

" I suspect an entire family grew up in that house so having your daughter and her dog shouldn't be that big a deal. She is your daughter after all. "

He proceeds to ask a lot of questions asking about the issues, and in a very lame way starts up with the "you shoulds" You know how that goes - You should try, you should do blah blah yada yada. She remembers she isn't married to him any more and the 'you shoulds' slide off her shoulders and seem to melt away.

"Well how long would you expect her to stay with me?" he asks again.

Exasperated, she responds " as long as it takes" The sips of whiskey are starting to turn into gulps!

"as long as it takes?" he asks.

"yeah... as long as it takes." she responds again.

" I'll see what I can do," They end the conversation berating the daughter's BF agreeing he is not of good character and is probably using the girl in any number of ways.

Drama.

it's all drama. But he'll take the girl. For longer than he thinks.

It will probably mean paying some child support thinks the woman - but the exchange of money for peace of mind seems to be a fair trade.

I curse you XSU!

The girls - RJ and Frenchy - are with XSU this weekend.  Thank goodness.  I needed the break and it couldn't have come soon enough.  I don't know how single parents with little ones who demand attention manage because two 16 year old girls and I am crawling by the end of the day.  There is something to be said for having babies at age 21 instead of a career.  That way you're not in your 50s going through perimenopause and dealing with a hormonal teen too.  Too many of the wrong kind of hormones mixing together.    I digress.....

Rushing to get dinner.  Getting things done after dinner.  Taking the dog out for a walk.  Hopefully things will calm down a little once Frenchy heads home.  I have tried asking RJ to do more to contribute and I am not getting too far.... yet.   Again her father's legacy. I continue to demand and every now and again - when she wants something - I manage to get some cooperation.  I am not like her father and I won't end up giving up and doing things myself.  I don't have that energy.  The girl needs to be responsible and contribute to this little household. 

She pulled a couple of fast ones this week with Frenchy and I let XSU know I wasn't impressed and he shouldn't be either. By Sunday afternoon her phone - and life line via text - will be turned off for a few days and I have hidden her laptop - again- until I see a few changes.  Though I have to admit her not having cell access ends up disturbing me almost as much as it bothers her.   I am already gearing up - ear plugs please - to deal with her whining and yowling about her phone and blah blah computer for homework.   Talk to the hand I say.

I have to call XSU and see what he's decided to do - if anything -  I suspect his gum surgery will be making him stupider than usual and he won't be doing much of anything in the consequences of your actions department.  Can you see me roll my eyes.

On the reno front - The HH informed me that I had better get a new roof on the house.  I had a roofing company come in and sure enough he said from the look of the thing I should have holes in my ceiilings by now.  One more thing that XSU let go. I have put such a big Ukrainian curse on him it's gonna be more than gum surgery inconveniencing him for some time.  I had planned on the roof for next spring, but both HH and the roofing guy - the husband of a woman I work with so he is trustworthy - have told me NOW.  Oh well... new roof or basement furniture... not much choice.