It's Sunday again.
I haven't been to church in some time. The church I attend is a good 30 - 40 minutes away. Since my separation, I have found that I am exhausted, probably mentally and physically. I spend the week driving to work. (I pass my church on the way.) Then I've spent Saturday after Saturday running errands, getting groceries, laundry and all that blah blah blah. Sunday morning arrives and I just haven't been able to face getting into my car and driving again. Poor excuse, I know. There is no Saturday option and ony one English liturgy. I want time where I don't "have to" do anything. Unfortunately, it would appear my spiritual life is dealing with the consequences of this malaise.
Interestingly, our pastor, a useless man who has no interest in people, hasn't even called to see where I've disappeared. Speaks volumes about him. I could go to the local RC church, but I don't find it very satisfying. No doubt I'll get back to church soon, but I do have to say I have enjoyed not rushing to get out of my PJS and out of the house, and not being back home til mid afternoon. For now.
I've been really cranky this weekend. Things seem to be out of my control and I am not handling it well. Just as I had thought things were starting to settle down.
Last night I was supposed to have gone out to a Christmas party at a friend's house. I didn't go. I don't know what it is lately, but I'm not interested in being in houses full of people. I also missed my annual association party earlier in the week. I don't ever miss it. I didn't want to go. I am on deck for another party next Saturday and I don't know if I'll be going to that one or not. I said I would but who knows.
Rebel "broke up" with her BF. Let me back up - they both moved back to my place. Cranky? hmm let me think about this.
They came back because the uncle was giving her a hard time about all kinds of things and I think the BF had enough of him. Less than two days after they arrived, and BF hadn't come home after work til nearly midnight Rebel told him to get lost. Not sure if this is going to really be officially done or not. She broke up with him but he's still around. First step - she says she needs a break. Apparently he will be living with the uncle and she is staying with me. She left her dog at the BF's uncle's place where they were living. The dog will continue to stay with him.
It's too noisy and I end up sequestering my little dog because the puppy is all over him. Though even that's not quite accurate because my little dog has never been neutered and tries to play alpha - and he is marking in my house.... it's not good. I've told Rebel, if she is staying with me that's great, but her dog is not welcome. She's not training him, he barks and it gives me a head ache. I did tell her she has a choice - my place without the dog, or her dad's with her dog and she could come over any time. IF XSU is smart he'll take her. Problem is I don't think she wants to be there.
Rebel had borrowed my futon couch when she and the BF originally moved out back in the spring. They brought it back and put it in the garage. I came home from work on Monday this week and the frame was sitting in the middle of my living room. Rebel's BF told me he couldn't get it down stairs to the basement because it was too big and awkward. He said he was getting an allan key from his dad to take it apart to get it down the stairs. That was Monday. Today is Sunday and the thing is STILL sitting in the middle of my living room. Cranky - very cranky! I finally got beyond irritable and I thought made myself clear - to get the thing OUT of the living room on Friday Last I checked this AM, after BF had his smoke, ate my pancakes and showered in my shower, he was watching television and not moving much.
Rebel has decided to go with XSU to visit his family in NS over Christmas which is interesting because she doesn't like the SIL or her female cousin. The boys - she gets along with quite well. In one way it's good she is going - it gives her a chance to back away from her life for a bit and relax. I am not sure it will be a great get away given she doesn't like her aunt or the one cousin.
For now Rebel Junior is staying home with me but not sure if she'll change her mind or not. I am hedging not because she doesn't want to be away from her friends that long given she's going to France in 6 weeks.
I'm not feeling bad about Rebel getting away from BF - at Christmas time even. I am hoping this is the beginning of the end for this relationship I am staying out of it, as hard as it is for me the mother, and hope she is able to move on. This has never been a normal relationship. It didn't follow a normal kind of progression - meet, get to know, date, get serious. If Rebel hadn't been sick I am quite sure this one wouldn't have lasted long at all. I am zipping up my mouth around Rebel and praying this goes the way everyone who knows her wants it to go.
Now I need to get this crankiness under control and do something a little more in keeping with the advent season.