Moving on .

I've been blogging for a few years now. Sometimes sporadically sometimes daily, but almost regularly. I have finally separated from XSU and starting to live a new life on my own. The original blog helped me get through the painful process of the end of the marriage, along with some bumpy roads dealing with a critically ill child in the midst of the end of marriage mess. Now this blog will see me through the new paths and adventures that life has to offer. Restructuring my life. My way. My experiences, ventings, musings on that whole big and not so big deal.

June 20, 2010

Happy Father`s Day- A man and his son.

Today is Father`s Day the - the 53rd that my dad celebrates. He will spend the day with my brother and his family. Dad is losing it. His mind isn`t really there. It`s difficult to have a conversation with him. They say it it isn`t Alzheimer`s but it is some kind of dementia. We know it, even if he doesn`t yet, and I suppose that`s okay. Better to not realize your brain is going to mush and live your days happily enjoying it for what it is.

The key thing my dad taught me and my brothers as we were growing up is to never be afraid to ask questions. By asking questions you get answers, and you will know and understand. This comes in handy even for nefarious purposes,. heh heh heh. Something my dad is not. He is a kind soul who always sees the positive in everything, even when he should be a little more careful. But that is who he is and I am the better for it.

While in Edmonton, I ran into an old family friend of my grandma`s. This guy is my age or a little older. He lived with his parents in the flat above my grandma`s main floor flat. The dad was a weird ass. Totally authoritarian with his wife and son. A sneak and not very nice. I had not seen the son since we both left home over 30 years ago. I told him he looked like his dad. I could just see the shadow pass across his face. I apologized and told him I was sorry if that hurt him.

In the next ten minutes that we spoke he told me why he left Winnipeg, went to school elsewhere and never returned. He also told me he went for therapy and was glad he did because it helped him get over the issues he had concerning his dad. I told him MY story, and my theory and then told him that seeking help was a brave step, one I wish my XSU had taken, but couldn`t. Today this man is happy, content, has a great family and living life his way without demons chasing him. He`s not forgiven his dad but he`s dealt with it. And what a difference it has made he said, in his relationships with his two children, a boy and a girl. He smiles as he talks about his wife and kids.

I have come to believe, and continue to observe that a man who has a good healthy, loving relationship with his own father is a man who who will BE in a healthy relationship with his children and his spouse. He is less likely to go through the same level of shit like mid life crisis than the man who doesn`t get along with his dad - for whatever reason. I`ve seen it over and over again. He who doesn`t resolve his relationship with his father is not going to be a satisfied man. The XSU continues to be a prime example of my theory.

Happy Father`s Day to my dad and all my friends who are dads!


Anonymous said...


CS seems to be more and more like his father with each passing year. It is laughable because he is becoming that which he hated. The kids comment often how much like their grandfather he is.

What I find interesting is that the kid seems to be more like my father {and Rudy} in his ability to be compassionate and loving and nothing like CS. For that I am grateful.

I hope your Dad has a great father's day. And I hope you have a lovely Sunday.

love and hugs,
~ b

Rudy said...

I think your approach to just letting Dad enjoy what he has and not burden him with what you already see he is losing is a great idea.

Wonderful news about your acquaintance and how he has overcome his father issues to be a good father himself.

Anonymous said...

You truly have become an adult when you can move past your childhood ~ written by laurel davidge and Hey, I just made that up!!!

As I'm discovering oh too quickly, you don't receive a manual of how to deal with ailing & ageing parents. All you can do is look after their welfare and give them respect.

As for XSU, he hasn't moved past his to let him be M, move on and give him a wide berth.